Discussion Has anyone ever told you that you don't actually want to die because if you did you'd be dead by now?

[Novaaa]

A few years ago, my mom told me, "If you want to kill yourself, you'll kill yourself." I tried to commit suicide seven times. Once, I was in intensive care, and another time, I was in a coma for 30 hours.
This is my first post.

 

[2messdup]

A few years ago, my mom told me, "If you want to kill yourself, you'll kill yourself." I tried to commit suicide seven times. Once, I was in intensive care, and another time, I was in a coma for 30 hours.
This is my first post.

Welcome to Sasu. I'm sorry your mom said that. That's an awful thing to happen.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I think you can really really want to die, but there is a reason you haven't. Personally that's the worst place to be in. When I'm impulsive and about to attempt to ctb, it's a tunnel vision with hardly any thoughts. When you want to die but care about the effect on others or some other reason, it's sheer torture.

I think that tunnel vision is the way, and the only way to do it. I have had brief periods where I felt very impulsive, so I kinda know how that feels. Right now, I'm not impulsive, but I still want to do it, and yeah, caring about others or the "other reasons" to stay are the hard part. But death, by definition, means you can't and won't care. It's a catch-22. If I do care, I won't be able to die. And if I don't care, then I can die, and I won't have to and won't care (because I'm dead). The question why some people can get there while some can't, I don't know. For some, it comes from impulsivity and they just have their moment when they simply do it, I guess. For others, like me, we have to 'force' ourselves.

 

[hang in there]

Has anyone ever told you that you don't actually want to die because if you did you'd be dead by now? I'm thinking back to when a "friend" said that to me.

Yes, I have been told that quite a few times. I think it is due to black and white thinking regarding suicidality. Rather than a gradient with different steps and different decisions along the way, the word "suicide" to them immediately invokes "completed suicide" - so obviously, you're not dead yet, so duh, you aren't "suicidal."
There is nuance and each person has their own reasons and tolerance for pain (physical or emotional) and level of patience, so the person still scrolling through methods is obviously not going to be in the same exact place as someone standing on the railing of a bridge wobbling in the wind. But that person could have been the other one yesterday morning. It's not either/or. It is a volume knob on a speaker and once it gets too loud and hurts to listen then that machine is going to get thrown out of the fucking window to turn it off.

 

[oneeyed]

Sounds like what my ex would say lol. If someone said that to me now I would point to my scars and say "Bitch, I'm hard to kill"

 

[divinemistress36]

Ya my parents have said that. The average person doesnt know how extremely hard it is to kill yourself

 

[Yavannah]

my psychiatrist tells me this everytime i tell her about my suicidality!
she doesn't believe me that the only reason im still here is because of an unavaibility of methods.
people that never were suicidal have no idea how hard it is to die.