Hard "living" while planning to die

[Busridin'26]

Like the title says. I have no intention of continuing this existence past the winter season.

Im tired. Day by day is so miserable.

Even if things come up, I'm not at a place anymore to deal much. Jus layin low distracting.

Still taking care of the vessel as much as I can...

I'm so tired. So many unnecessary feelings coming up bc I'm at the end of it all.

Im almost there. I hate this waiting though. I'm trying to use the time as best as I can but eh..

 

[ungraceful gargoyle]

Relating. I quit all drugs and alcohol including antidepressants. The Zoloft made me want to CTB even more because I didn't care. Now I care enough to hold a good lie so nobody suspects I'm going anywhere and I won't get locked up. But the sobriety hurts more than anything I've ever done. I live on the prairie in Canada so luckily I have a few ways out after I get the paperwork finished so nobody tries to revive me. Trying to remain distracted until I get my Meto, Rx sleep aids, vodka, and wander into the prairie to curl up. It will be at least -35c. Stupid global warming ruins all plans for now.

 

[WornOutLife]

Waiting certainly sucks.
I'm really anxious waiting for my SN even though I'm not sure if I:ll be able to leave on the 21st of Jan.

Anyway, hope you feel better soon and be at peace!

 

[262653]

It will be at least -35c. Stupid global warming ruins all plans for now.

How does global warming hinder your plans?

 

[NodusTollens]

Sorry your struggling with the days in between, it's hard enough being suicidal let alone knowing freedom is just around the corner.

Have you been able to find anything to helps take your mind off of things in the meantime? <3

Relating. I quit all drugs and alcohol including antidepressants. The Zoloft made me want to CTB even more because I didn't care. Now I care enough to hold a good lie so nobody suspects I'm going anywhere and I won't get locked up. But the sobriety hurts more than anything I've ever done. I live on the prairie in Canada so luckily I have a few ways out after I get the paperwork finished so nobody tries to revive me. Trying to remain distracted until I get my Meto, Rx sleep aids, vodka, and wander into the prairie to curl up. It will be at least -35c. Stupid global warming ruins all plans for now.

I can relate to your stopping of meds. After a point if they weren't making me feel unbearably numb (BPD, numb may as well be death), I was feeling impulsively suicidal.

Good luck with your plans to CTB

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I feel this too. Seems pointless considering anything other than how I will kill myself when I have long since lost interest in really trying.