Hanging

[GreenTree]

I know 10 people who died from hanging. Not freinds but people I know from the place I live. Let alone all the famous people who succeed. How did they do it so easily. I've tried and failed. Seams lots of people here tried and failed too. Is it lack of determination. Scared of going back too psych ward. Over thinking it. Scared of ending up a vegetable. Leaving loved ones in pain. I really want to try again but am scared of fucking it up. I see no hope for beating this mental illness so am Desperate too try again. I know one day I will try again. One day I'll think fuck it I don't care if I fail and try again.

 

[sasshimi]

I second your thoughts. It's incredibly difficult to overcome your SI. It entirely depends on a person's will and the severity of their desperation to commit the unthinkable. I have the exact same mentality as you and it's quite refreshing to see that I'm not alone in this. Whatever you might decide to do with your life however, know that I'm here and plenty of others in SS are available to talk with if you need a chat.

 

[Worndown]

Death occurs when the will to die is greater than our survival instinct. They just went for it and won.

 

[Jblack]

SI is very difficult to overcome, I always feel that I will know when it is time to exit and SI will not be able to stop me. I have come close a couple of times to CTB. At those times there is a feeling of relaxation that comes over me. I feel at peace at those times. I know that one day I will follow through and be gone.

 

[W’ren]

I attempted partial.
I failed, obviously.
My technique was wrong... i can see that now.

The 6 days i just spent in the psych ward has taught me not to fail, and if i do fail, don't vent about it to anyone. My friend whom i trusted called the cops and i ended up handcuffed like a criminal in the back of a squad car on my ride to hospital.

Research... Research research research. And when you think you've got it right- research more to be sure.

Now everyone around me is on alert- except my boyfriend who thinks my promise to "not do that again" was sufficient to stop me from ever ctb'ing again.

I was an english major. There are so many loopholes in that sentence... "please don't do that again"... i mean, one could wonder what he was even referring to. That what? Or that technique? Or simply That failure.... anyways point being that my promise is soo full of holes i fell out of it.

This time i intend to mix partial with a couple of other methods... a kind of "bead soup" of methods. Come out with a work of art that will do the job beautifully.

Hurting friends and family bothered me but obviously not enough. Now i have my bf guilting me by telling me how selfish my decision was- and i have other people saying they love me but are such hypocrites and my family, well they're being pretty supportive thus far but not right at the start.

the thing is, when i do it, i don't have to care about their pain afterwards. It's theirs to deal with- i figure they'll get over it if that makes sense.

The pain i live with every day they have no clue. It's sheer agony. They are selfish to want me to stay to keep them happy. See what i mean? But that's my situation. It's totally different for different people. I am older, my life is a shitshow of pain physical mental and emotional-i live alone in a covid isolation world- there's just no point.

BUT i do want to be here for my loyal dog. So ctb'ibg needs to be put on hiatus. His sad eyes without me broke my heart. He's 12... old + grey...

It really depends on what's important to you personally as to what holds you back and what drives you over.