Cm96
MikeTysonMoodSwings
- Sep 23, 2019
- 6
So anyways I guess I'm just on here to piss and moan and pretty much vent. But things in my life have pretty much hit the fan. I am borderline homeless working at a dead end job. I honestly just don't like myself as a person. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar and everyone just treats me like I'm retarded or they're scare of me. I don't even know. As I type it all sounds kind of pathetic/lame to me. But anyways I've been just going through a rough patch since Thanksgiving. This past August I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation blah blah blah and have been able to fake it since then, but the overwhelming feeling of dread and self loathing is always there. I've been in and out of psych wards since I was 19, and I've shattered whatever reputation I had. I have like a 4 page record of violent crimes, (all dismissed/dropped) but paints a picture to any potential employer if I were ever to get a halfway decent job. Anyways I got way the fuck off topic
I've been meddling with the idea of suicide for years now, I'm gonna be 24 in January and dude I don't want to see my birthday. I'm having Christmas eve dinner with my dad's family and Christmas day with my mom's family. I figure I can fake it for 2 more days, put on a happy smile and leave a good memory with them. I want to attend both dinners, leave on the best note I can so my family's last memory of me will be warm. I live in a rural area and was just gonna go old school with a noose in a tree. At this point I'm kind of embracing the pain in suffer I know I will go through before I pass.
What are you guys thoughts on this. Am I going to ruin Christmas for both of my families for years to come or will I go out on a high note and not the psycho of the family. Like I have the spot picked out, it's peaceful. Just gotta grab some rope. Idk this is probably just a cry for Pity but I just wanted to hear what others had to say.
I've been meddling with the idea of suicide for years now, I'm gonna be 24 in January and dude I don't want to see my birthday. I'm having Christmas eve dinner with my dad's family and Christmas day with my mom's family. I figure I can fake it for 2 more days, put on a happy smile and leave a good memory with them. I want to attend both dinners, leave on the best note I can so my family's last memory of me will be warm. I live in a rural area and was just gonna go old school with a noose in a tree. At this point I'm kind of embracing the pain in suffer I know I will go through before I pass.
What are you guys thoughts on this. Am I going to ruin Christmas for both of my families for years to come or will I go out on a high note and not the psycho of the family. Like I have the spot picked out, it's peaceful. Just gotta grab some rope. Idk this is probably just a cry for Pity but I just wanted to hear what others had to say.
