Guilt

[someonelse]

I'm ctb on Saturday (SN) and I'm starting to feel a lot of guilt. I don't have much money so I don't have a will or anything and I'm debating about leaving a note.

I live in an apartment that they are trying to evict me from because of an earlier manic episode (I'm bipolar one). I imagine it will be my landlord or maybe the police who will find my body.

I feel guilty because there's just going to be a mess of stuff to clean up (selling or donating all of my belongings, selling my car etc) and that will probably fall to my mom or maybe one or two of my closest friends. I feel bad and like I should have done more but it's not like I'm going to sell all of my belongings this week before Saturday rolls around.

Am I being a totally selfish asshole? I've thought of going to a hotel but I think the odds of me being found there before the SN takes effect are greater. I think I'll have at least a few days before they find me in my apartment.

Does anyone else feel guilty or have you come up with things to do that will less the burden for those you leave behind?

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing selfish about suicide, as we all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing. Eventually our bodies will all be found by someone as we will all die eventually, in this life, death is inevitable. I do not feel guilty about anything as I never asked to exist in the first place. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[eternalflame]

I feel guilty about leaving my mom alone but i don't think i can continue.