Help Guilt - Shame - Regret

[kitkat9234]

Anyone dealing with extreme guilt, shame and regret? How do you cope?

I've made so many mistakes and shitty decisions over the years that not only destroyed my life but my daughters as well.

Everyday I'm reminded of how I fucked up and it's really my daughter who suffers the most. I've tried telling myself that I can't do anything about it and all the radical acceptance bullshit but it still eats me up inside.

I can't stop thinking about how I fucked up. I'm a prisoner in my mind going crazy. The photo memories that come up on my phone just make me want to cry. I just want the noise in my head to stop. I just want to go back and change things. I'm a horrible selfish disgusting person. I just want to die. I deserve to suffer not my daughter. She didn't ask for all this. She had so much promise. I wish someone would put me out of my misery already.

 

[kitkat9234]

Anyone? Having a hard time forgiving myself even though what I did is unforgivable. Having a hard time moving past this. Wish I had a Time Machine. Ugh.

 

[SomedayorNexttime]

Absolutely yes. Yes. I do all of the time. I have wronged others and myself and I want to die because of it. I have hurt family before for egotistical reasons.
Not a day goes by where I don't wish someone did me in already so I can rest in peace.
I cope with distractions and noise. I daydream and eat food. I sit with my failures and feel nothing but shame if I can't distract myself.
My voices tell me I'm a sick, weird, pathetic piece of shit who is hopeless and doomed to fail. I think they are mostly right. I don't defend myself when they come and let them pass. It doesn't really help me to be honest but I deserve to hear it. I feel like a prisoner all the time.

I can't drink yet so I can't cope the way I actually want to. But soon I will. That's what I look forward to.

 

[wishingonstars]

Yes, so much shame. I try not to think about it but when my brain forces me to I'm drowning, I don't have the right to die because that would just hurt more people. Yet the pain is unbearable. I wish I had been stronger and done more, I could have saved them from the horrors I went through but I didn't, I was too weak, too cowardly.

 

[Ashu]

For years I burned in a constant hellfire of remorse over bad decisions that ruined the lives of me and my wife. Eventually, long meditations on the concept of free will, on the nature of volition and choice, brought me to a point where I could begin to accept that there was nothing else I could have done in those circumstances, being what I was. This brought me some relief from what had been my crushing sense of total guilt. This is all I can recommend.

 

[Feldsparc]

I too have betrayed my family and put them in shame. Its ironical that I'm suicidal because the dirty work was all mine not them but I'm suffering for it