I've done awful things that if anyone knew they'd hate me.. I'm doing my best to keep it to myself, my brain keeps making me think I have to tell everyone every horrible thing I've ever done or else I'm betraying them... I just want to move on from it. The things I've done are part of why I want to ctb anyways. I'm not a good person and I don't think I am capable of being one.
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Deleted member 94
Wizard
- Mar 24, 2018
- 696
grungeCat
Awkward & weird
- Jul 5, 2020
- 1,109
I understand what you mean. I also behaved bitchy and did plenty of terrible things to my loved ones... it's something that makes me feel I deserve to be punished. Some of the things were fixable and some I haven't managed to fix up.
St. Jimmy
Suicide commando that your mama talked about
- May 3, 2020
- 251
They were cruel things. I was a really angry kid and had no empathy and I belive I still don't now. I knew better anyways but still did it.
Deleted member 94
Wizard
- Mar 24, 2018
- 696
Like the Japanese movie a silent voice.
A Silent Voice (film) - Wikipedia
en.m.wikipedia.org
The protagonist was able to make amends with the people he hurt and was able to not have to suicide from the guilt.
Amazing movie by the way I would highly recommend watching it if you have nothing to do.Quite honestly, I think if someone has done really terrible, cruel things there isn't a button to press that can miraculously make it go away. I think you will always have that guilt inside you in some form. To know better and to know that it was wrong and to still do those cruel things was a choice you made that may always live inside you. There are some things that you can never move on from and that can never be made up for. You show guilt in your post heading and talk as if it bothers you. You know better and so even if you have no empathy and you don't think you can be a good person, you do have a brain that knows what is wrong and when it's wrong. Don't add anymore things that can torment you as you stated it's one of the reasons you want to CBD. Also, not everyone can get past you telling them all the cruel things you have done, if you can't, how will they? I think it's part obsessive thoughts that make you need to say everything and you wanting to be forgiven for what you have done and told that it is okay and that's not going to happen with most people, in my opinion. As stated earlier you do show quilt and you do show that it bothers you in some way so I think that you could be a better person. If this is one of the reasons you want to CTB than you are in some way sorry for what you have done and that shows some care inside of you. You can't change the past, you might not ever even be able to forget it, but you can start today to not add anymore torment to yourself.Last edited:
Deleted member 94
Wizard
- Mar 24, 2018
- 696
The fact that you are remorseful means alot, there have been serial killers smiling and laughing in court who showed no remorse.
Agree. I think OP has more care in him than he knows.
ZardozOmega
Narcissist Gay NEET-cel
- Mar 4, 2020
- 718
Same here, man. These things are the main reason as to why I want to CTB. I could, theoretically, with a colossal amount of work, fix or at least manage my other problems, but I can never erase any of these things I've done. They will always haunt me. Last night some of these memories came back. Stuff I had buried underground, stuff I had almost completely forgotten, came back to abuse me. It will never stop.Similar threads
