Venting Guilt and shame

[Ravel]

i know it sounds kind of stupid but i would like to kill myself painfully if i had the guts, sometimes i imagine doing sepukku, or other painful method as a form of punishment. Of course i will never have the guts for it, my method will be sn or partial hanging. The reason for this is that I feel guilty 24/7 for becoming such a pathetic person and being such a burden on my family. I really hate myself. I feel like I don't deserve to live and it's not a matter of low self esteem, I've done things in the past that I'm not proud of and I can't forget.
I can't stand to see people full of potential, dreams, good people dying so soon and I, dumb, without ambitions, dreams, still alive. I feel ashamed to be alive. I will definitely make up for this by donating my organs when I ctb.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I relate to all you say word for word

 

[Onthe29th]

I know how you feel, I'm a waste of space

 

[Justsogone]

I totally relate your words.
I feel like a burden too.
You can type me if you want to.
Hugs

 

[FuneralCry]

Guilt can be very painful to have to deal with, as there is no escape from ourselves and our thoughts. It can certainly be horrible being alive. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best.