Venting Guilt about ruining plans with my ctb

[Rue89]

Everyday this week I've planned to ctb, but something, mostly the weather, has prevented it. I've basically decided to prepare for ctb everyday until I'm finally able to get out of the house early morning to do it.

My mom keeps talking about plans, mostly little things like what we're having for dinner the next day, etc, but also bigger things like our upcoming vacation and the dogsitting job she got me for next weekend that I didn't know how to say no to. So everytime she mentions these, even the small things, I can't help but feel a little guilty. I mean the dogsitting isn't that big of a deal. They're my mom's friends and they were going to board their dog somewhere until my mom mentioned that I could probably take care of it without asking me first, so they can just do that instead. But I still feel guilty. I know there will always be something "planned" that I'll mess up with my ctb, so I shouldn't let that get in the way. I just wish I knew how to get over it so I don't have to die with that guilt too.

 

[Soul]

You're a very compassionate person, @rue89. But it's still the case that life doesn't often provide "end of Act 34" moments; there are always ongoing strands that, if I follow them, lead me deep into the thick of Daily Life.

That's okay. That's the river flowing onward while bubbles and ripples form and vanish and form again. x

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I've just accepted that life never stands still and that I'll always be ruining someone's day with my suicide. Guess it'll just be the last annoying thing I do in the world.