God, please finish it right now!

[ddd1234]

I cannot stand it anymore. Please, God, end this hell right now!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry what you are going through. I totally understand.

 

[ddd1234]

Life was so great just a couple of months ago. Everything ended because of one stupid mistake. That's a joke, a total joke. God, if you have some sense of compassion, please take me out of this state (and erase my memory of the last 2 months) or take me out of this planet, it is your choice.

 

[FuneralCry]

Being alive is a nightmare. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[ddd1234]

Being alive is a nightmare. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

I would love to find peace in life but I don't think it is possible after what I've done. I even thought about joining some Buddhist temple but who am I kidding? It will not help me, I will be miserable somewhere else. That's not a solution.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I would love to find peace in life but I don't think it is possible after what I've done. I even thought about joining some Buddhist temple but who am I kidding? It will not help me, I will be miserable somewhere else. That's not a solution.

Is there any way you can simply travel to another country and start over? You sound like you're a young person with intelligence… Why don't you go get a job with Netflix or Tesla or something like that…? I'm way too old to start again but you are not

 

[ddd1234]

Because 2 months ago I had some serious mental breakdown. I realized my mistakes and went crazy. Non-stop anxiety, depression and ruminating. Couldn't sleep even on very powerful pils. Since then I can't think about anything productive, it's like having a radio in my head that plays 24h per day. Everything triggers me. I could keep my job, it is not that someone fired me. I just can't concentrate, wouldn't even stand 1-2 hours at the office. The some with my girlfriend. I could keep her but I can not spend time with her because of the emotions and mental radio.

When I was at the occupational ward there were some lectures. I couldn't sit for 30-40 minutes because of my emotions (angriness and regrets). I walked, I ran around the room, everyone looked at me like I was some sick psycho. The fact is that I am not, and just 2-3 months ago was the calmest person ever. just cannot stand the idea how I ruined my life. It destroys my psyche.

Now my organism produces cortisol and adrenaline all the time and drugs don't help :(

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Because 2 months ago I had some serious mental breakdown. I realized my mistakes and went crazy. Non-stop anxiety, depression and ruminating. Couldn't sleep even on very powerful pils. Since then I can't think about anything productive, it's like having a radio in my head that plays 24h per day. Everything triggers me. I could keep my job, it is not that someone fired me. I just can't concentrate, wouldn't even stand 1-2 hours at the office. The some with my girlfriend. I could keep her but I can not spend time with her because of the emotions and mental radio.

When I was at the occupational ward there were some lectures. I couldn't sit for 30-40 minutes because of my emotions (angriness and regrets). I walked, I ran around the room, everyone looked at me like I was some sick psycho. The fact is that I am not, and just 2-3 months ago was the calmest person ever. just cannot stand the idea how I ruined my life. It destroys my psyche.

Now my organism produces cortisol and adrenaline all the time and drugs don't help :(

Well, If this only happened two months ago there is a possibility that with some decent medication and time you will recover to some degree. A possibility.
I was in a similar state as you for the first couple months after my own calamity. But my mind has begun to calm down. My real life situation is a total horror. But I'm not manic, My thoughts are relatively clear.
When I was in that state for the first couple months I had people telling me that I would feel better and that it was a matter of time. I did not believe them at all. But it turns out they were right.
I'm not saying any of your problems are solved or that your life itself is going to improve- I'm just saying that your mental state might improve. Might.