Go out and get hurt or stay in to self harm?

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

I'm supposed to go out for the first time after my break up tonight to a party where I know I will see my ex, who broke my heart and walked away from me after I opened up about being suicidal.

I truly don't know if I will be able to handle it. I might break down and cry as soon as I see him, but I don't know if it's worse to stay home alone where I know I will be crying all night. If I don't go I will stay home and in addition to crying I will be slitting my wrists. However I suspect that I will slit my wrist tonight no matter what from the pain of seeing him or from the pain of avoiding my friends and isolating myself further at a time when I already feel so alone.

This feels like a lose-lose situation and honestly I wish I was dead. I guess that's the simplest choice here in a way. Everything feels so hopeless.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I can imagine it must be unbearable to be in so much pain. Some people can be so insensitive and cruel. I wish you the best in whatever happens

 

[Ada]

I had a similar experience as yours the first time I tried to take my own life. My best friend asked me what happened, and I told him. After that he dumped me as a friend and never spoke to me again. People like that are not worth holding on to.

Could you ask your friends if you could go somewhere else maybe? Do they know about your thoughts? It doesn't sound like a good idea to meet the person that did this to you.

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

Could you ask your friends if you could go somewhere else maybe? Do they know about your thoughts?

They all know. Unfortunately we are all members of the same social group and this is one of the first ticketed meetups of the year so hard to ask people to go out with me somewhere else.

You are right that my ex isn't worth holding onto. So not sure why he still holds such power over me. Also went through the same exact thing you did with a best friend recently too. She ghosted me as soon as I got broken up with though she already knew I was suicidal.

It's terrible to trust the wrong people and then get burned.