Glad I have not tried to ctb with my methods of the past it would have been too much gambling

[noname223]

In my self-aid group someone told his ex-gf tried to ctb twice during psychosis. She tried self-immolation and jumped from the second or third floor. She survived both and is now severly permanently damaged. Fuck that sounds scary. Glad I am not doing that risky shit during my psychosis. SN is for me the safest method I know which is available. I have not known about that in the past.
I once stood on the 7th floor and thought about jumping down. Glad I have not done that. The likelihood to survive was way too high. Another time I tried a little bit of partial. Though I had not much knowledge and no skills in order to succeed.
I could never forgive me about fucking up the situation even more. Or if a miracle would happen my problems would be solved and then I had to be in a wheelchair forever. Fuck that's so scary. I thought about jumping in front of a train too. I don't think my nerves are that strong. I am so happy there is still SN. Fuck the governments which want to prohibit it.

 

[FuneralCry]

One of the things that holds me back is failing a method and ending up with consequences. It is my worst nightmare ending up with a worse quality of life because of method failure. It is scary how they can go wrong. The SI makes methods like jumping difficult and I doubt I would ever get the courage for that. We all deserve the option of a peaceful way out as it isn't as if we asked to be alive in the first place, the right to die is important.