Venting Giving up on connection

[lastappleonearth]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

 

[ctb_warrior]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

It's alright, don't worry about connections. One of my ancestors used to socialise a lot. He had a very very big circle and he was so popular that when he died, it was published in the newspaper. In the last few years of his life, he realised that none of the people in his life deserved his time. He was very alone in his final years. He was so saintly that he donated a lot of money to a lot of people. But in the final years, none of them supported him. They were just taking advantage of him while he was in his good health. Now when he was ill and they had to take care of his health, they vanished from his life.

Sooooooo......
That's how selfish the world is. Don't worry about anyone, be selfish. Yes, help the needy or someone who deserves if you can. Otherwise no point of thinking of others.

 

[unluckysadness]

I feel you so much. My existence is insane too and I'm extremely isolated (like an hermit). For example, the last time I had a meal with someone was last Xmas ! And just with my closest family... Social isolation is addictive, and I know I won't recover. But for some reason, my brain needs isolation. It has always been like this since my birth. I only feel safe with animals. Maybe because human being is extremely dangerous and perverse ?? And my brain tries to protect me from this toxic species ? Anyway I stopped trying to undertand my neurodivergent brain. I have a weird brain and I'm not the only one. Everyone is different so I guess it's okay.

 

[lastappleonearth]

It's alright, don't worry about connections. One of my ancestors used to socialise a lot. He had a very very big circle and he was so popular that when he died, it was published in the newspaper. In the last few years of his life, he realised that none of the people in his life deserved his time. He was very alone in his final years. He was so saintly that he donated a lot of money to a lot of people. But in the final years, none of them supported him. They were just taking advantage of him while he was in his good health. Now when he was ill and they had to take care of his health, they vanished from his life.

Sooooooo......
That's how selfish the world is. Don't worry about anyone, be selfish. Yes, help the needy or someone who deserves if you can. Otherwise no point of thinking of others.

Idk man, in the end we are social creatures and we all have a need for connection, even if we don't want to admit it. Prolonged social isolation and loneliness can literally drive you insane. Although it's difficult to escape the cycle of isolation, once you are in it and have been for a while. I wanted to be someone's first love, but I understand that this together with many other things won't happen. There's still a bit of hope left in me that things can still turn around, but in order for that to happen I'd need to change and I don't know how

 

[ctb_warrior]

Idk man, in the end we are social creatures and we all have a need for connection, even if we don't want to admit it. Prolonged social isolation and loneliness can literally drive you insane. Although it's difficult to escape the cycle of isolation, once you are in it and have been for a while. I wanted to be someone's first love, but I understand that this together with many other things won't happen. There's still a bit of hope left in me that things can still turn around, but in order for that to happen I'd need to change and I don't know how

As someone who has always had been in limelight in his life, I can give you certain pointers in this regard:
1. People are attracted when we are charismatic and energetic. Even though you may feel sad inside, act like a strong leader who's confident and positive about life.

=> People have been attracted to me all the time, 2 out of my 3 gfs approached me first and gave efforts and I was the first love of two of them and there were 3 other beautiful girls who proposed me in the past.
Interestingly, when ppl know that I'm a sad creature, then they run for their life they disappear like the rabbit in the magician's hat.

2. Never chase people. Let people chase you.
=> People have chased me literally. The moment I chased them and begged them to stay in my life, they disappeared.

3. Not everyone deserves to be connected emotionally.

=> Most people see being emotional as a weakness while that's what make us humans.
So, be emotional only with the ones who deserve. With the others, connect on surface level. No point in hurting yourself.

4. Do not keep any expectations from anyone. Just stay in your own world.

=> Expectations hurt and it's usually the people in our close circle that are able to hurt us. So just enjoy your life while you are here and be bold and confident. Your body language should exude a sense of certainty.

5. Make people laugh if you can.

=> The reason I get limelight in real life is not because I am talented, but because I stay positive on the surface. I smile even if i am sad.
I make people laugh too. Before lockdown, when we worked in office, i used to make everyone laugh, sometimes by casual jokes, or mimicry or sarcasm.

6. Last point but the most important= Love yourself first.

=> When you love yourself, you automatically exude that energy. You radiate with that energy and subconscious mind of others can read that. And that pulls them towards you.

PRO Hack=> you can use mirror neurons to your benefits. I leave that up to you to research how we can use mirror neurons for making connections.

Check this video out:


There's a book by Paul McKenna- instant influence and charisma and there's another one, making friends by Andrew matthews

These two books have everything you need to be successful at being a people magnet.

I wish you all the love and affection in life along with success and happiness

 

[zkk]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

Tbh...Connections are overrated, joining college made me realise this, I made a bunch of dumb choices trying to be more social and eventually, I made friends and even had a relationship, everything felt right for a moment. It didn't take long before my friend group and partner became devious which made me spiral for a while, trying to maintain these connections because I genuinely cared for each of these people. Four years down the line, I'm finally done with my studies and in turn, lost all of them. I haven't communicated with anyone outside my family in months and I know it's mostly my fault because I wanted to feel close to the friends around me at the time and ended up pushing away other people who genuinely showed care during this period. I feel it's too late to start over and I don't want whatever happened during this period to repeat so I opted to delete my socials and keep to my myself...At least this way, I can have some sense of peace.

 

[Baka]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

I keep trying. I'm grasping at straws, but nothing seems to really work. Every time a conversation goes slightly well, I think, "maybe I can be happy?" But then it never goes anywhere. I thought about a dating app, but I've also kinda let myself go... I rarely leave my house too. I hope the interaction with your relatives go well.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I keep trying. I'm grasping at straws, but nothing seems to really work. Every time a conversation goes slightly well, I think, "maybe I can be happy?" But then it never goes anywhere. I thought about a dating app, but I've also kinda let myself go... I rarely leave my house too. I hope the interaction with your relatives go well.

Thx, it'll be ok, I just don't like them very much. Honestly and this is just my personal opinion obviously, but I wouldn't use dating apps. I feel like the culture on there has become pretty toxic, but mby I'm wrong. It's great that you keep trying tho, it's not at all an easy thing to do

Tbh...Connections are overrated, joining college made me realise this, I made a bunch of dumb choices trying to be more social and eventually, I made friends and even had a relationship, everything felt right for a moment. It didn't take long before my friend group and partner became devious which made me spiral for a while, trying to maintain these connections because I genuinely cared for each of these people. Four years down the line, I'm finally done with my studies and in turn, lost all of them. I haven't communicated with anyone outside my family in months and I know it's mostly my fault because I wanted to feel close to the friends around me at the time and ended up pushing away other people who genuinely showed care during this period. I feel it's too late to start over and I don't want whatever happened during this period to repeat so I opted to delete my socials and keep to my myself...At least this way, I can have some sense of peace.

I kinda relate, I've also already tried to cling to people who didn't really care that much abt me, it hurts when that happens. But there are genuinely ppl out there who can care and want to care, we unfortunately just haven't found them yet. I unfortunately did the same thing, pushed away someone who rlly cared and entertained ppl who didn't give af abt me in the end. I also purged all my socials, I don't post anything anymore, just need to stop myself from looking at accounts of ppl I once knew.
Anyway, I hope everything gets better for you eventually

1. People are attracted when we are charismatic and energetic. Even though you may feel sad inside, act like a strong leader who's confident and positive about life.

I mean, mby that's true for most people. Tho I rlly don't want to fake anything, I want ppl to like me for who I am. And yeah I'm not that energetic and mby my vibes are too sad for most ppl idk, but mby there's someone similar somewhere out there who wouldn't mind. But yeah, there's prob some truth to having to love yourself first in order to be able to love someone else properly. In the end, I just don't know, but I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm just not

 

[noname223]

It's been literally more than a year since I've last interacted irl with someone outside of my family. I mean, that's insane, more than a year without any social contacts basically and even before that, there barely were any.
I've lost touch with everyone, I prob hurt a bunch of ppl and didn't even realize it back then. Tbh I for myself have more or less given up on connection, friendships and relationships. I know that you shouldn't give up and fall even deeper into hopelessness, but idk what else to do. Recently I tried again and got hurt, I just don't see the point anymore, mby I never did.

I can't picture myself in the future, can't even see myself in like a year, I just can't. I don't actively plan to do anything rn, but I have never been this desperate, so I don't know, how long I can continue. Idk, if I'd be capable of doing sth to myself. Well if everything continues like this, then probably. What's the point of living if you don't have a life to begin with?
Anyways, I'm gonna take some Xanax today, bcs there are some relatives coming over and I just can't interact with them. It's pathetic, but at least this way I can relax

There was a time I tried to cope with benzodiazepines and I regretted that because the withdrawal symptoms were a nightmare. Almost as bad as others described it. But on thing to add. Maybe you should search for a different benzo. I am not sure where you are getting the medication from. (From a psychiatrist?). But the feeling of xanax doesn't last long. It is among the most dangerous benzodiazepines when it comes to addiction. The effect of valium (diazepam) lasts longer. Or maybe lorazepam. Both of them are still very dangerous. But personally dazepam is the best choice for me when it comes to benzos. But I only use it for emergencies.

 

[lastappleonearth]

There was a time I tried to cope with benzodiazepines and I regretted that because the withdrawal symptoms were a nightmare. Almost as bad as others described it. But on thing to add. Maybe you should search for a different benzo. I am not sure where you are getting the medication from. (From a psychiatrist?). But the feeling of xanax doesn't last long. It is among the most dangerous benzodiazepines when it comes to addiction. The effect of valium (diazepam) lasts longer. Or maybe lorazepam. Both of them are still very dangerous. But personally dazepam is the best choice for me when it comes to benzos. But I only use it for emergencies.

True, the effects of Xanax don't exactly last super long, but long enough, well at least for me. Tho you might be right and mby other benzos are better suited for me. I'll have to wait until my appointment with a psychiatrist in December. Right now I get them from my general practitioner and that's not ideal, I guess I'm lucky that I get them at all. I know it's only a coping mechanism and not a solution, but it's relief and I need that sometimes. Tho today I actually stopped myself from taking them, so that's good

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I feel you. Wish I could offer any advice, but I got none of that, only my sympathy. But I guess being alone and lonely is still better being around wrong people, like we could be so much worse. I spent the last weekends socializing with new people, and I was so miserable. I was disassociating the whole time they talked to me lmao and that's the best I could do. I was also browsing SaSu alot during break too. I know I should make an effort or whatever, but I just feel so empty inside.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I feel you. Wish I could offer any advice, but I got none of that, only my sympathy. But I guess being alone and lonely is still better being around wrong people, like we could be so much worse. I spent the last weekends socializing with new people, and I was so miserable. I was disassociating the whole time they talked to me lmao and that's the best I could do. I was also browsing SaSu alot during break too. I know I should make an effort or whatever, but I just feel so empty inside.

That's true for sure, being around the wrong people is probably even worse, though I don't even really remember how that was like. It's just so difficult to find the right people, well not for everyone, but for us I guess. I hope you can find people, around whom you don't need to dissociate

 

[NonEssential]

I understand your pain, I've been over a decade with only having online friends.
I've been to a trade school for over a year and I barely if ever interact with anyone, I just don't have the guts for it.
I've managed to numb the need for connection so it's not the main reason I want to die but it doesn't really help with my self worth.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I understand your pain, I've been over a decade with only having online friends.
I've been to a trade school for over a year and I barely if ever interact with anyone, I just don't have the guts for it.
I've managed to numb the need for connection so it's not the main reason I want to die but it doesn't really help with my self worth.

I mean, online friends are better than no connection at all. I've like one or two people, with whom I keep in touch with online, but it's nothing substantial you know. I crave real attention and affection, but I don't have hope anymore for ever attaining that. I which you all the best, may connection find you