Venting Getting to the end of my rope

[lyles]

I almost wish my method fit the title for the sake of a pun.

But as it is, I have been spiraling all day. I always have known that I would need to act in the moment with minimal forethought the day I decided to kill myself. I haven't fasted, but I do have plenty of SN. I could stop eating, take it in 5 hours. I would take ibuprophen and melatonin to try and sleep through the initial shitty side effects I am anticipating. I would pass away over the night.

I don't know if I will actually do it tonight. Probably not, my SI is already making me anxious. But I want to. I wish I could just turn off my brain and do it. I wish I could do it without hurting anyone else in my life (a certainty). It would be horrid timing now anyways. But still.

Suicide is unbearably complicated.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. Suicide really is so difficult, as even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive. I know that this life can be unbearable when all you want is to leave. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do and I hope you find relief from your suffering.