Help Getting over a stupid, unrequited crush

[Coral]

It's just as it sounds lol. Got an unrequited crush. They've got their own crush and I'm positive the other person likes them back. Even if they didn't, they're flirting and making moves on them and that shit high-key hurts to know about lol.

How do I get over it?

Seems very asinine to ask this on the suicide site, but it's been a huge contributor to my suicidal thoughts and ideation lately and I just want it gone I've had a crush on this person for around a year, known them for around 4. I don't know how to get over it. They're the first person I've seriously liked this way. I've never had to get over a crush. I don't know what to do. Doesn't help that they send me cute stuff and goes "me and you" or "me at you" or that we casually say "I love you" to each other. But like. I don't want to tell them to stop because that'd be unusual behavior from me and it might raise some flags that'd result in them finding out I like them, which is not ideal when they literally have someone else in their mind and heart lmao.

Would love any advice or insight. Thank you!

 

[U. A.]

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[monetpompo]

I don't know how to get over it. They're the first person I've seriously liked this way. I've never had to get over a crush. I don't know what to do. Doesn't help that they send me cute stuff and goes "me and you" or "me at you" or that we casually say "I love you" to each other. But like. I don't want to tell them to stop because that'd be unusual behavior from me

dawg you can't talk to them if they're going to keep acting in affectionate ways when you like them more as a friend. you're just stoking the fire by talking to them when they like someone else. being friends with someone you have a crush on and watching them date someone that isn't you is soul crushing. it sucks a lot. you need to set boundaries or stop talking to them entirely in order to move on from someone, because things will get worse if they stay the same. things just hurt more and it gets harder to detach if you don't distance yourself.

 

[Coral]

Thank you for your response!! I'm still new to posting and replying on SS, so I'll have to quite your words regularly lol...

"If you're infatuate with the dynamic being as it is, there's little likely to change for you"
I wouldn't call it infatuation... But I do value what we have, even if only as friends. I guess it just hurts when I realize that they have someone else to feel deeper feelings for lol.

"unless maybe they end up partnering up with the other person"
They told me "I love you" in one message some time right before they had sex with their crush, just a few hours after I posted this question L.M.F.A.O.O.O. I am so heartbroken rn. I literally feel SICK. I don't feel like eating anymore.

"Depending on how close you are you could also be honest about the feelings saying you expect nothing, but want to figure out how to stay close without you being in pain."
We are pretty close, and I'd love to tell them the truth. Really, I would. But the idea of them being aware makes me just as sick to my stomach just as much as them being intimate with their own crush.

I think I'm gonna have to rawdog getting over this crush I haven't responded since their last message about them having sex with their person, and I don't think I can stomach replying until they send me another message unrelated to it. I know this is really shitty of me as a friend, but I also don't want to give a half-hearted "that's awesome! I'm so happy for you!!" because not only does it look disingenuous (compared to how I usually express my excitement, I think), but I'm kind of tired of lying about how happy I am for them. And I want to be!! I love them!! I want what makes them happy! But fuck. lmao.

Thank you so so so much again for responding!! I'm sorry I dumped more baggage on you but I just needed to let it out somewhere.... I'm sorry

 

[Coral]

dawg you can't talk to them if they're going to keep acting in affectionate ways when you like them more as a friend. you're just stoking the fire by talking to them when they like someone else. being friends with someone you have a crush on and watching them date someone that isn't you is soul crushing. it sucks a lot. you need to set boundaries or stop talking to them entirely in order to move on from someone, because things will get worse if they stay the same. things just hurt more and it gets harder to detach if you don't distance yourself.

It is very soul crushing, yes, but cutting them off feels like amputation. They're the person I go to when I don't have anyone else. They're my best friend. I've put them into so much of what I make. To lose them feels unimaginable. I told myself several times before all of this, "I want to be in their life and I want them in mine, regardless of how life turns out." I want them in my life without this pain. I can live with being a friend, as long as they love me the same. But I still feel like crying. And I don't know how to stop that. I already haven't replied for a few days and it might end up being a whole week, maybe more, but to ghost them entirely feels like a deep and growing rot. Like I'm killing parts of myself only they kept alive lol. Sounds edgy as fuck for a crush but this is the only real one I've ever had. Idk what to do with it other than hold it close, even if they never love me the way I love them.

Maybe it is infatuation. Hm...
But I seriously don't know how to let them go. Even if It stop talking entirely, block them from everything, scrap it all and start fresh.. idk. I feel like they're like glitter. You never quite get rid of them. Even if you clean from top to bottom and scrub every inch of every surface, you'll still find them hidden in the edges and creases and under your nails.

Fuck. I'm so doomed.

I'm super super thankful for the advice!! I really am. And I'm sorry it just seems like I shot it down. I just don't think I'm capable of letting them go. And I'm really really sorry I get all edgy and also dumped more baggage on you, too I have lots of feelings about this and I kind of used you two as an outlet I'm so sorry!!

 

[SanagiMezamete]

Wow, I'm so sorry. That sounds completely and utterly crushing from your perspective. And you do seem very upset by it based on your last two posts in this thread. I hope writing here has helped you feel at least a little bit better. If you want to DM me to talk then you're more than welcome. I will be in bed right after writing this but I will try to check soon.

I can tell you feel very insecure about your reaction to this. I'm here to tell you it's okay that you feel the way you do. It's not shameful or a flaw of your character, it's just human. And you're not burdening anyone here by venting. It's an intended function of the site. If they don't want to see it they can just ignore you.

If you're mentally incapacitated and can't interact with people or put on a fake smile that is valid. Nobody should have to pretend to be happy when they're not. Your feelings matter just as much as anyone else's. I think it's a good idea to focus on yourself and on surviving when you're breaking down, rather than making others happy when they're already doing fine. It's like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first, so you don't pass out before you can put one on anybody else.

 

[Coral]

Wow, I'm so sorry. That sounds completely and utterly crushing from your perspective. And you do seem very upset by it based on your last two posts in this thread. I hope writing here has helped you feel at least a little bit better. If you want to DM me to talk then you're more than welcome. I will be in bed right after writing this but I will try to check soon.

I can tell you feel very insecure about your reaction to this. I'm here to tell you it's okay that you feel the way you do. It's not shameful or a flaw of your character, it's just human. And you're not burdening anyone here by venting. It's an intended function of the site. If they don't want to see it they can just ignore you.

If you're mentally incapacitated and can't interact with people or put on a fake smile that is valid. Nobody should have to pretend to be happy when they're not. Your feelings matter just as much as anyone else's. I think it's a good idea to focus on yourself and on surviving when you're breaking down, rather than making others happy when they're already doing fine. It's like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first, so you don't pass out before you can put one on anybody else.

Thank you so much for the deeply sympathetic and kind response, lovely!! It has been very, very crushing. I reread what I wrote and I have to hold back my tears. Which isn't good because I'm in class haha it helped in making me not feel like I'm gonna explode! lol. I haven't told anyone what happened or how I feel, not even one friend who already knew I was having crush troubles. This feels like such a devastating blow. Which feels bad because I know they're definitely overjoyed lol. Why can't I just be happy for them
DMs with you would be delightful! If I can, I'll reply ^^ but I'm still in class for a few more hours maybe, so it may take me a while :')

Haha yeah Thank you so much... I really needed to hear that. You're so sweet

I'll try but it's still hard. I only ever get to be upset alone in my bed. I don't feel like I can be so bare in front of others. And idk. Putting myself first feels so selfish lol. Being selfish on the suicide site (fork found in kitchen) lmao. But thank you. That feels reassuring