Getting closer

[Cherrypea]

Yesterday I suddenly realised that my family would be OK without me, I was watching them and thought yes they make a good little unit and actually are more relaxed without me making things tense with my anxiety.
This is new and a bit sad as they've been holding me back but now I'm planning a bit more. I suppose there's phases of this process and I'm moving on to accepting it.

 

[Spitfire]

It definitely starts putting things in to a different perspective, doesn't it?

Just remember with the people who care about you, and you about them.. You are likely in a very different headspace compared to them. They likely do not know the seriousness of what is taking place in your mind right now..

I give those people some slack and leeway for this reason. They just do not know the gravity of it all for what is happening inside of your head right now.

 

[watsonsmith]

I had a similar feeling yesterday. It's as if I wasn't here anyway. Granted I've been away for the last 12 years having moved out when I was 18. Now that I look at them, especially after what I've put them through during my last manic episode, it is clear to me they will move on.

Sometimes I think this persona that comes out of me when I am in mania deliberately destroys everything I build so that when the time comes there is nothing to hold me back from taking my life.

I do feel sorry you feel this way, for me it is a certain new dimension of loneliness. Like they are there, but it will never be the same, real. As if everyone subconsciously made their peace with me vanishing from their lives and just going through the motions.