Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[FuneralCry]

Only non-existence can solve everything for me.
It truly is all that can solve everything for me in this existence so torturous, cruel and terrible and I'd just never wish to suffer in this existence rather all I want is some peace, I just want to never suffer in this dreadful existence ever again.

No matter what I'll just always prefer to not exist than be tortured in this existence, I just want non-existence to solve what I see as the true problem which is existence itself, I just hope for no more torture and no more suffering and I suffer simply from existing, it's just all so cruel, terrible and dreadful, I just want to be gone.

 

[FuneralCry]

Feels like I've suffered for so long in this existence so torturous.
It truly does feel like I've suffered for so long and no matter what I'd just never wish for the torture of existing, I just want some peace from the suffering of existing and I'll just always see existing as only suffering.

I suffer simply from being burdened with this terrible, torturous existence, I just want peace from the torture of existing, I just want to never suffer again and I'll always see existence as the problem, all I want is for non-existence to solve everything for me in this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is so much cruelty in how peaceful death is denied.
There truly is so much terrible cruelty and suffering in how peaceful death is denied for me and I always suffer from being trapped in this terrible, dreadful existence that just causes all this cruelty, harm, suffering and torture with no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

No matter what I'll just always prefer to not exist than be tortured in this existence I just always saw as the most terrible, cruel mistake, all I hope for is no more suffering, I just want to never suffer again, I just want peace from the torture of this dreadful, painful existence, all I want is to cease existing painlessly and never suffer again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it so undesirable to suffer in this existence.
I truly will always find it so undesirable to suffer in this existence, for me only non-existence could ever be desirable and as long as I exist I'll only hope for peace from the torture of existing.

I just want to never suffer again and in this existence so torturous and painful only non-existence can bring me any relief, I just wish to be free from this dreadful deeply undesirable existence that just causes all this torture, harm and suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I'm just always so tired of being burdened with this terrible, cruel existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only eternal sleep can bring me the peace I search for.
It truly is all that can bring me the peace I search for from the suffering and torture of existing, I just want to never suffer again and in this existence of torturous suffering only non-existence can bring me any relief.

I just want to be gone, I just hope to be free from the suffering of this dreadful, painful and deeply undesirable existence, I just want this existence to be all gone, forgotten and erased for me, I'll just always find it so torturous to suffer, I'm just always so tired of suffering in this cruel existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always and only hoping for all to be gone for me.
For all to be gone for me in non-existence is just all I hope for, I just want to be free from the terrible torture and suffering of this existence I just always saw as a mistake and I suffer simply from being burdened with this torturous existence.

For me non-existence is just all that's desirable in this existence so dreadful that just tortures and harms existing beings, I just want all to be gone, forgotten and erased for me, I just hope for no more suffering and I just suffer so much as a result of this torturous existence, to erase this existence is just all I could hope for, I wish for no more torture and no more suffering.

 

[purebliss]

Hey @FuneralCry

I have one question.
You have been here for almost 6 years now. From your threads and your replies to goodbye threads I took away that you are in great pain and emotional distress.

I have been living in this psychological hell of my brain for 13 years now starting somewhere around I turned 13-14 but only about 1 year in total I have felt the active desire to die.
It is so incredibly unbearable to be what I am. My emotions mixed together into a cocktail of embarrassing psychotic impulsiveness hell.
I can not sleep properly either sleeping the entire day or feeling like I am standing in an active shopping mall with voices from all directions,
I can not eat properly either overeating or not eating at all,
I switch from laughing to crying to euphoric to depressed in 10 second intervals,
I sometimes lose all feelings all together being left with a terrible void in my chest area just to get hit again with those intense emotions after a bit,
I can be in a room full of my most loved people and still feel as lonely as if I have been abandoned by all,
I can't think straight, feel straight, be in any way functional at all.
I do things I regret a few Minutes after I have done them just to repeat them a few minutes later

My sheer existence is absolute hell and that is the sole reason for me being on this forum: Finding an ending to this intense suffering.
Now my question is: Do you... "enjoy" the suffering?
You have been here for so, so long. Some people find meaning, heck even an artistic view in their suffering.
I am 100% certain that someone has offered you Nembutal already here or give you any other advice on a painless and swift end.
Or offered you mental assistance in some way or another

Why exactly do you persist?
It is not meant in a judging way at all. I have also found a poetic and artistic view in my masochistic tendencies. For me physical pain from others I adore is also not just "pleasure" but something that my brain craves, something I actively look forward to and even philosophize about.
I did not manage to find any art or poetry in my mental suffering, though.

Is that the case with you, though?
That you "enjoy" the mental suffering of your own and others?

I am genuinely curious what kept you going for so, so long

Thank you for your reply<3

 

[inneedrelief]

Always and only hoping for all to be gone for me.
For all to be gone for me in non-existence is just all I hope for, I just want to be free from the terrible torture and suffering of this existence I just always saw as a mistake and I suffer simply from being burdened with this torturous existence.

For me non-existence is just all that's desirable in this existence so dreadful that just tortures and harms existing beings, I just want all to be gone, forgotten and erased for me, I just hope for no more suffering and I just suffer so much as a result of this torturous existence, to erase this existence is just all I could hope for, I wish for no more torture and no more suffering.

What is your suffering? I really wanna know

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it dreadful to suffer in this existence.
I really will always find it so dreadful to suffer in this existence and I'd just never wish for the pain, suffering, cruelty and torture of existing rather all I want is some peace and I'll just only be at peace once this dreadful existence I just always saw as a mistake is finally all forgotten.

I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer and for me existing will just always be only suffering, I suffer simply from being burdened with this dreadful, painful existence and there's just so much pain in this terrible, torturous existence, I'll just always find it torture to suffer in this existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence should never be imposed.
No matter what existence should never be imposed and it's just so dreadful how it was causing all this cruelty, torture and suffering as a result with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, all I want is to erase this existence.

I just want it to be like I never suffered at all, no matter what I'll always see the existence of life as the most terrible, devastating tragedy that just harms existing beings, I just wish I never suffered more than anything, I just wish I stayed unconscious of the abomination of existence that just causes all this dreadful unnecessary suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much pain and suffering in existing.
There truly is just so much pain and suffering in existing and it's so terrible and dreadful, no matter what all I could ever hope for is to be free from the torture of existing, I just wish and hope for peace.

I'll only be at peace once I'm free from this torturous existence that just causes all this pain and suffering, to exist means to suffer and I always find it painful to be conscious in this existence, simply just existing is enough to make me wish for peace, only non-existence can bring me the relief I search for from the pain and suffering of existing.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death is all that's inevitable.
It truly is all that's inevitable and eventually no matter what this torturous, cruel existence will be all gone and forgotten which is all I hope for, all I want is some peace from the terrible torture and suffering of existing.

I'll just always find it so torturous to be conscious burdened with this existence just waiting to die anyway, the peace of non-existence really is all I could ever see as desirable, I just want some peace from this existence of torturous suffering and I'll just always see existing as only suffering, I suffer simply from being burdened with this terrible, cruel and torturous existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

I truly have suffered for so long in this dreadful existence.
I truly have suffered for so long in this dreadful existence that just causes all this harm and suffering, as long as I exist I really will just hope to never suffer again, I just want some peace from the terrible torture, cruelty and suffering of existing and in this existence so torturous non-existence is just the only peace for me.

I'll just always find it so dreadful and so terrible to suffer in this existence that I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, to me existence really is the problem and I just suffer so much as a result of this torturous existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is just so much terrible torture in existing.
There truly is just so much terrible torture in existing with existing beings in agony every second and I'll just always prefer to not exist than be tortured in this dreadful, cruel existence, for me simply being conscious is torture.

There's just so much torture, cruelty and suffering in existing and I'll just always and only hope for peace from it, I just wish to be permanently free from the torturous, futile burden of existing that just causes all this harm and suffering and the suffering of existing is endless, it's just all so dreadful and terrible and I just wish I never suffered more than anything.

 

[FuneralCry]

Non-existence is just all I see as positive.
It truly is all I see as positive and no matter what I'll just always prefer the peace of non-existence over the dreadful torture and suffering of this existence that I just always saw as a mistake and there's just so much suffering and cruelty in this torturous, dreadful existence.

All I see as desirable is never suffering ever again, in this existence so cruel and painful only non-existence can solve everything for me and bring me the relief I search for from this existence I just always saw as the most terrible, harmful mistake, all I want is to be gone, I just want to never suffer again.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much torture in this dreadful existence.
There truly is so much torture in this terrible existence and the suffering of existing is endless, to be at peace from the torture, cruelty and suffering of existing is just all I see as desirable, I just want to never suffer ever again.

I just want peace from this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake that just harms and tortures existing beings, I just want to be gone, for me non-existence is just all that's desirable as I'll always find it torture to exist, I find it torturous to simply be conscious in this existence, I just want to erase this existence, I just want all to be forgotten for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Imposing existence only ever causes harm.
It truly does only ever cause harm with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer in this terrible, torturous existence, there's just so much cruelty and so much suffering in existing and this existence just never should had been imposed.

I'll just always find it so dreadful and painful to suffer in this existence, all that existence ever does is just cause all this torture and harm, it's just so terrible and horrible how existence continues to be imposed, I'll just always see the existence of life as the most terrible, devastating tragedy, to me existence is just always the problem.

 

[FuneralCry]

Never wishing for the mistake of existence.
No matter what I really would never wish for the mistake of existence and in this existence of torturous suffering only non-existence can bring me any peace and I'll just only be at peace once I'm no longer burdened with this terrible, dreadful existence.

All I want is to be free from all suffering and in this existence of dreadful suffering only non-existence can bring me any relief, I just hope for no more suffering and I suffer simply from being conscious in this dreadful, cruel existence, I'll just always see existence as a mistake that just causes all this harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only non-existence can ever bring me any relief.
It truly is all that can bring me any relief and I'll just only be at peace once I'm no longer burdened with this torturous existence of dreadful suffering, all I want is to be gone, I just want this existence to be all erased for me.

Nothing would ever make me wish for the cruelty and suffering of existing and as long as I exist I'll only hope to never suffer again, only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for from the torture of this dreadful, painful existence I just always saw as a mistake.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'll just always and only hope for non-existence.
No matter what the peace of non-existence where all is gone and forgotten is just all I could ever see as desirable in this existence of torturous suffering and I'll just always find it torture to exist.

All I could ever hope for is to be free from this existence so cruel, painful and dreadful and there's just so much cruelty and suffering in existing, all I want is to erase this terrible, futile existence, I just want it to be like I never suffered at all in this existence I just always saw as the most dreadful mistake, for me non-existence is just all that's desirable, I just hope for no more torture and no more suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'll only be glad to never suffer again.
No matter what I truly will only be glad to never suffer in this terrible, tortuous and dreadful existence ever again and simply just existing is enough to make me wish for true peace from the torture of this painful, deeply undesirable existence.

All hope for is no more torture and no more suffering and I suffer simply from being burdened with this existence that just harms and tortures existing beings, all I want is to be permanently unconscious, for me ceasing to exist is the positive solution to find peace from the torture of this existence I just always saw as a mistake, I'll just always see it as an abomination to suffer in this existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always suffer from being burdened with this existence.
I truly do always suffer as a result of being burdened with this existence of torturous suffering and I'll just always find it torture to exist, in this existence so terrible and dreadful only non-existence can bring me any peace.

I'll only be at peace once I no longer exist, to exist truly does mean to suffer and I'll just always find it so torturous to suffer in this existence, all I want is peace from the burden of existing, I just want to never suffer again, no matter what to me existence will just always be the problem and it's one only non-existence can solve for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

There are no disadvantages to never suffering again.
There truly are no disadvantages to never suffering again which is why non-existence is all I wish and hope for, all I want is the peace of non-existence where this dreadful, torturous existence is all gone and forgotten.

I just want to be permanently unconscious with no more torture and no more suffering and I'll just always find it torture to suffer in this existence, for me non-existence is just the only relief in this existence that just causes all of this terrible torture and suffering, non-existence solves everything for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

All the suffering will be gone.
The fact that non-existence takes away all pain, torture and suffering is exactly why I hope for it, I just want to never suffer again in this dreadful, harmful and deeply undesirable existence that just causes all this torture and suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, non-existence is the only peace.

I'll only be at peace once I'm permanently unconscious and no longer burdened with this terrible, cruel existence I just always saw as a mistake, the peace of non-existence is just all I see as desirable, I just want all the suffering to be gone in non-existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much terrible suffering in existing.
There truly is so much terrible suffering in existing and in this existence of dreadful suffering only non-existence can bring me any peace, all I want is to never suffer again and there's just so much suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

I just want to erase this existence, I just want all to be gone and forgotten for me in this existence so torturous and cruel that just causes all this harm and suffering, existence to me will always just be the most terrible mistake and I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer, for me non-existence is just all that's positive.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much cruelty in existing.
There truly is so much cruelty in existing with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I'd just never wish for the pain and suffering of this terrible, cruel existence, to me existence will just always be a mistake.

No matter what non-existence is just all I see as positive, I just wish for no more pain and no more suffering and I'll always prefer to not exist than suffer, existence really is just an abomination, I'll always see existence as the problem and it's one that just harms and tortures existing beings, to never suffer again is just all I see as desirable.

 

[FuneralCry]

To suffer in this existence is just the most terrible mistake.
It truly is the most terrible mistake that just causes all this torture and suffering and I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous, cruel existence no matter what, I just wish this existence was never imposed.

All I want is some peace from the torture and cruelty of this dreadful existence, I just hope for no more pain and no more suffering and I suffer simply from being burdened with this existence, the fact that this existence was imposed is always the most terrible tragedy.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always so painful to be conscious in this existence.
I truly will always find it so painful to be conscious in this existence and there's just so much pain, torture and cruelty in existing, all I want is to be gone, I just want peace from the terrible cruelty and suffering of existing.

I just want to be permanently unconscious of this existence, to be conscious in this existence is the most painful, dreadful burden to me and I suffer simply from existing, I just hope to be gone, I wish for no more torture and no more suffering and I'll always see the abomination of existence as just being only suffering, I'll always prefer to not exist than suffer.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence truly does just cause harm.
It truly does just cause suffering and harm with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and it's just so terrible how this dreadful, harmful existence was imposed, I'll just always see the existence of life as the most terrible devastating tragedy that just causes all this torture and suffering and I'll just always find it torture to suffer in this existence.

To me existence is just always a mistake and it's one that just harms and tortures existing beings, for me the peace of non-existence is just all that's positive and desirable, nothing would ever make me wish for the torture and cruelty of existing.

 

[geepeedee]

It could be to spread some weird kind of agenda lol.

like what? all it does is post in here and wish peace in ctb threads.