Venting Fuck you, me from 2019

[Oblivion Access]

To think I had SN and all the extras and didn't put it to use... what was I thinking? That if enough time passes, I'd become okay with existing somehow? I know I'm just grasping at straws because I'm upset and shouldn't blame myself but I still don't get it. So much tedium, pain, despair and indignity I could've spared myself and others. Not the people in my life then, the people I've met since. How does one cling to something that disgusts them so much? I've only gotten worse since then, I'm a shell. This can't end soon enough...

 

[Trilucid]

Hey, it's alright. I regret it a lot too, knowing I failed to take my life on so many occasions, but most importantly knowing I've missed good chances and that things will not be the same for future attempts. Maybe it is SI, maybe it is other things acting up for people like us. Hope is kind of hard to get rid of, if not very.
Do not say you disgust people though. Just because they can not see us for what we are, does not make us trash. I understand how you feel though.

 

[Sakura94]

I'm okay with not having killed myself then. I feel fairly close now though.

 

[Oblivion Access]

Hey, it's alright. I regret it a lot too, knowing I failed to take my life on so many occasions, but most importantly knowing I've missed good chances and that things will not be the same for future attempts. Maybe it is SI, maybe it is other things acting up for people like us. Hope is kind of hard to get rid of, if not very.
Do not say you disgust people though. Just because they can not see us for what we are, does not make us trash. I understand how you feel though.

Oh I didn't mean to say I disgust people (who knows, I might, not really interested in whether or not I do) but rather that the continuation of my life disgusts me, yet I cling to it nonetheless.

 

[Trilucid]

Oh I didn't mean to say I disgust people (who knows, I might, not really interested in whether or not I do) but rather that the continuation of my life disgusts me, yet I cling to it nonetheless.

It's funny a little because as soon as I posted, I saw what you really meant with that. Damn, my mind is beyond clouded with negative thoughts today. But yes, I feel like I am shaming what little good is left of me by carrying on too. That basically, my only dignity left is being spat on by myself and my denial.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would be so frustrated. Existence is so horrifying after all and I wish that I left this world at an earlier date as well, as it would have prevented a lot of pain. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.