Venting FUCK I WASTED AN OPPORTUNITY

[letied]

Today I had 3 hours home alone. Everything was prepared, but my stupid fear of failure appeared (vegetative state).
When my stupid anxious mental breakdown stopped, I looked at my phone and you know what? The episode lasted one hour and a half. ONE HOUR AND A HALF. I HATE THIS.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS. MY HANDS HURT A LOT AFTER I HAVE DONE THE KNOTS (FUCK ARTHRITIS).

Maybe I can have another chance to be alone tomorrow.

I HATE THIS HELL. GIVE ME THE FUCKING RIGHT TO DIE GODDAMNIT.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be very frustrating having to go through this. We all deserve a right to die, it isn't as if any of us asked to exist in the first place. I am also scared of failing ctb. It really is so horrible being alive. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.