Venting Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck..... CTB Date Will Be The 26th Now FML

[darksoul999]

Last night my Dad told me he want's to leave early (Tomorrow) and go visit my grandparents. Just out of nowhere...

Why life?

Why can't my plans go fucking smoothly for once?

I had my room booked for tomorrow night. Lucky, i called them and i got a refund.

At least i got that.

But fuck man, what does a guy have to do to die?

I can't tell him no because it will look super sus.

I don't want him to think i am planning anything.

He knows i have suicidal thoughts, for the most part i have been looking happy on the outside.

Playing it smooth....

it's Looking like i will have to live another week on this shit planet.

9-26-26 is the date now...

I could just do it today, but i still have some heart left & don't want them to find me.

also, today is the day i am suppose to clean my car, print my letters and finish everything...

Fuck.

 

[balladeer]

That is a very big sign from the universe perhaps... and hey atleast 26-26 has a more pleasant tone to it don't u think?

 

[ctb_warrior]

That is a very big sign from the universe perhaps... and hey atleast 26-26 has a more pleasant tone to it don't u think?

I really admire how you look at things so much positively. I agree, it's a sign from the universe that it's still not time to ctb. Universe communicates through such events.

Last night my Dad told me he want's to leave early (Tomorrow) and go visit my grandparents. Just out of nowhere...

Why life?

Why can't my plans go fucking smoothly for once?

I had my room booked for tomorrow night. Lucky, i called them and i got a refund.

At least i got that.

But fuck man, what does a guy have to do to die?

I can't tell him no because it will look super sus.

I don't want him to think i am planning anything.

He knows i have suicidal thoughts, for the most part i have been looking happy on the outside.

Playing it smooth....

it's Looking like i will have to live another week on this shit planet.

9-26-26 is the date now...

I could just do it today, but i still have some heart left & don't want them to find me.

also, today is the day i am suppose to clean my car, print my letters and finish everything...

Fuck.

I too have been playing it smooth at home. Plus i cleared an important interview..so they are gaining confidence that i have become better.
Though as i have grown up and understand how their mind works, I'm able to shield my thoughts from them.
Don't worry, may be life wants you to enjoy some more time before you go. And when you can ctb any time now, live and enjoy sometime that is left in this lifetime
Ever since i got my sn, i have suddenly flipped.
I ordered my favourite chocolates that i didn't want to eat earlier. I order my favourite food everyday. I'm buying the gadgets i wanted to have. Show middle finger to life and say FU
And enjoy till you ctb

 

[darksoul999]

That is a very big sign from the universe perhaps... and hey atleast 26-26 has a more pleasant tone to it don't u think?

that is true, and i am 26. 9-26-26. dead at 26

 

[balladeer]

I really admire how you look at things so much positively. I agree, it's a sign from the universe that it's still not time to ctb. Universe communicates through such events.

If you say so, I would say it's quite the opposite I am very miserable and pessimistic irl haha. Or maybe I'm in a good mood my sn arrived about 20mins ago and guess what? Believe me I am not making this up when I say before that I was just reading the thread you made when you got yours!

 

[darksoul999]

I really admire how you look at things so much positively. I agree, it's a sign from the universe that it's still not time to ctb. Universe communicates through such events.

I too have been playing it smooth at home. Plus i cleared an important interview..so they are gaining confidence that i have become better.
Though as i have grown up and understand how their mind works, I'm able to shield my thoughts from them.
Don't worry, may be life wants you to enjoy some more time before you go. And when you can ctb any time now, live and enjoy sometime that is left in this lifetime
Ever since i got my sn, i have suddenly flipped.
I ordered my favourite chocolates that i didn't want to eat earlier. I order my favourite food everyday. I'm buying the gadgets i wanted to have. Show middle finger to life and say FU
And enjoy till you ctb

I mean i was going to go all out Friday. Steak house, maybe a movie, smoke some cigs, take a walk in the park, clean my car, print my letters...... The "Universe" must know i am not giving up on my plans to CTB... Let it run, i will haunt it down and get my wish.

If you say so, I would say it's quite the opposite I am very miserable and pessimistic irl haha. Or maybe I'm in a good mood my sn arrived about 20mins ago and guess what? Believe me I am not making this up when I say before that I was just reading the thread you made when you got yours!

Congrats! Hopefully the Universe does not pull a fast one on you like it did me. Does not matter, Ill CTB soon.

 

[ctb_warrior]

If you say so, I would say it's quite the opposite I am very miserable and pessimistic irl haha. Or maybe I'm in a good mood my sn arrived about 20mins ago and guess what? Believe me I am not making this up when I say before that I was just reading the thread you made when you got yours!

Congratulations that's a really good news. And great coincidence, may be universe is synchronised with your plan.
You may be pessimistic that's something that comes up because how life treats us. Your energy and vibe has always been very positive

mean i was going to go all out Friday. Steak house, maybe a movie, smoke some cigs, take a walk in the park, clean my car, print my letters...... The "Universe" must know i am not giving up on my plans to CTB... Let it run, i will haunt it down and get my wish.

That's a perfect plan to live life.
Yeah, that's our relentlessness. Even after 2 decades of ctb ideation, i haven't given up and finally, I have my SN with me now i can ctb whenever i want. And finally i can be confident this time that success is almost guaranteed if i can execute it well

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

having your date stolen SUCKS and it actually feels catastrophic, i remember how i felt when my attempt failed and i realised id have to wait months to have alone time to go through with it, its such a horrible horrible feeling and im so sorry you have to feel that way, it feels so cruel, you have it ready, you have your plan, and then life throws something at you to fuck with you one last time, it feels like the end of the world, but you would be surprised that you actually can get through it, even with each second that goes by, you are closer to being done than you were before

 

[darksoul999]

having your date stolen SUCKS and it actually feels catastrophic, i remember how i felt when my attempt failed and i realised id have to wait months to have alone time to go through with it, its such a horrible horrible feeling and im so sorry you have to feel that way, it feels so cruel, you have it ready, you have your plan, and then life throws something at you to fuck with you one last time, it feels like the end of the world, but you would be surprised that you actually can get through it, even with each second that goes by, you are closer to being done than you were before

it is what it is. I mean i could CTB right now but for some reason i am weird about the timing and dates. I do not want it to feel forced... I want to go out on my own terms... Hopefully, the 26th will work out. 9-26-26, dead at 26 seems more of a unique day/timing. idk, i am weird haha/ + I have to do it in a hotel so nobody finds me and i don't get saved once again. I refuse to be saved.

Congratulations that's a really good news. And great coincidence, may be universe is synchronised with your plan.
You may be pessimistic that's something that comes up because how life treats us. Your energy and vibe has always been very positive

That's a perfect plan to live life.
Yeah, that's our relentlessness. Even after 2 decades of ctb ideation, i haven't given up and finally, I have my SN with me now i can ctb whenever i want. And finally i can be confident this time that success is almost guaranteed if i can execute it well

right! Like, let it run... I refuse to live a life of suffering.... I have a DEATH WISH! My friend.

Congratulations that's a really good news. And great coincidence, may be universe is synchronised with your plan.
You may be pessimistic that's something that comes up because how life treats us. Your energy and vibe has always been very positive

That's a perfect plan to live life.
Yeah, that's our relentlessness. Even after 2 decades of ctb ideation, i haven't given up and finally, I have my SN with me now i can ctb whenever i want. And finally i can be confident this time that success is almost guaranteed if i can execute it well

right! Like, let it run... I refuse to live a life of suffering.... I have a DEATH WISH! My friend.