Friend thinks I'm selfish

[DangerRanger]

Was discussing my mental health and my desire to ctb with a close friend earlier today. She used that stupid expression "it's selfish" and now I just don't feel I can trust her with how I'm really feeling. Am I being irrational?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I think it's incredibly difficult for people who aren't feeling like us to understand… If you believe you can enlighten this person, if she is somebody who has the capacity to understand, but she does not sound entirely sympathetic… Be careful who you trust… I do not share my feelings with anybody other than folks I've met on SS. The subject is simply too sensitive and polarizing. IMHO

 

[bing]

Don't tell ppl you're suicidal

 

[DangerRanger]

The thing is, she's been suicidal before. Tried and failed, ended up in a psych ward. I figured that would be the type of person that understood.

 

[FuneralCry]

I always personally see it as best to keep my thoughts to myself as other people can potentially be invalidating and insensitive. It is best to just ignore people who say things like that, there is nothing selfish about suicide, we all have the right to exit this world, it is a personal decision when to leave. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[wljourney]

I am sorry you had that experience.

To me it's a bit of a philosophical question. What do we owe to each other?

People who are left behind will be hurting over me CTBing. They want me to continue living (and hurting) to protect themselves from grief and pain.

Therefore IMO it is equally selfish to deny someone who is in pain their right to CTB.

 

[ShatteredSoul]

I don't tell anyone I'm suicidal anymore. You either get judged,ignored, called selfish or not taken seriously. I refuse to even tell my Dr as they'll just freak out and I'll be in a worse position.
My time is coming and people will be shocked and act like they're sad and use it to get pity on social media.
I'd rather it be kept real, no funeral. Just forgotten like I am in life most days.

 

[outrider567]

I don't tell anyone I'm suicidal anymore. You either get judged,ignored, called selfish or not taken seriously. I refuse to even tell my Dr as they'll just freak out and I'll be in a worse position.
My time is coming and people will be shocked and act like they're sad and use it to get pity on social media.
I'd rather it be kept real, no funeral. Just forgotten like I am in life most days.

That's the right thing to do, its nobody's business but your own--Nobody knows I'm planning suicide, but when it happens they won't be shocked, they can tell I'm extremely depressed anyway

 

[ShatteredSoul]

That's the right thing to do, its nobody's business but your own--Nobody knows I'm planning suicide, but when it happens they won't be shocked, they can tell I'm extremely depressed anyway

I've told people several times that I'm suicidal and have attempted and they just leave me to it. I don't think they believe I will actually go through with it and I'm attention seeking or something.
It's been months now since I haven't said a word about it. I even came off Facebook for a year, nobody checked up on me. People really don't care.

 

[Weebster]

Normies aren't people like us. To be human is to experience the full range of the human experience including terrible suffering.

 

[unimaginativelamp]

The thing is, she's been suicidal before. Tried and failed, ended up in a psych ward. I figured that would be the type of person that understood.

Does she know you're suicidal?

It sounds like she might be dealing with her own feelings around it (e.g. guilt for loved ones who might have been upset), and is projecting them onto you/the idea of suicidal people. She might not have really dealt with the things that brought her to that point. Or she could be thinking of suicide again, and is angry, guilty, etc., and shutting down like that is her way of coping.

Either way, it puts you in a shit position. It makes sense that you wouldn't want to speak with her about the matter - i wouldn't either. I would be curious of what she would say if she realized you were suicidal (assuming she didnt know whem the two of you spoke). Maybe she would be more empathetic--or maybe not. I dont know her. Maybe youre better off talking to someone else.

I'm sorry she gave you such a shit response, and isolated you, though.

 

[Shadow777]

I see both sides of this she thinks you are selfish because you aren't taking her feelings in to consideration. On the other hand she doesn't take yours in to consideration either the fact that you are suffering and want peace. She knows the feeling (judging from what you said) but can't put herself in your shoes because of how she feels. I think it's valid how she feels she doesn't want to lose you. But I also think you are valid in how you feel in wanting peace. It's a matter of conflicting emotions. That is just my take on this. And I do agree hearing that I am selfish because I want to end my own suffering is very tedious and annoying and can be somewhat hurtful.

 

[sadanon3]

Don't ever mention this to people would be my advice

 

[Enoughnow]

Was discussing my mental health and my desire to ctb with a close friend earlier today. She used that stupid expression "it's selfish" and now I just don't feel I can trust her with how I'm really feeling. Am I being irrational?

You know what I had this with my sister calling me selfish but I think really that's a selfish thing for them to say they want us to keep suffering so they don't have to and we're apparently the selfish ones it's selfish to expect someone else to suffer so you don't have to you're not selfish you're in a lot of pain hopefully things will get better for you but don't let people tell you you're selfish for wanting the suffering to stop
Just tell them I'm not selfish I'm suffering and you're comments make me suffer even more so please stop

 

[Al Cappella]

Was discussing my mental health and my desire to ctb with a close friend earlier today. She used that stupid expression "it's selfish" and now I just don't feel I can trust her with how I'm really feeling. Am I being irrational?

May I ask what it was you were expecting from her? And how long have you known each other?

 

[DangerRanger]

May I ask what it was you were expecting from her? And how long have you known each other?

I was expecting some kind of support, even the prolife type of support. I didn't expect to be guilted and shamed for how I felt. Known each other for almost a year now. We've discussed our mental health problems with each other before because we've both been through hell and back. I just don't understand how someone you trust and feel you can open up to can invalidate your feelings so easily when they themselves have dealt with it.

 

[Al Cappella]

I was expecting some kind of support, even the prolife type of support. I didn't expect to be guilted and shamed for how I felt. Known each other for almost a year now. We've discussed our mental health problems with each other before because we've both been through hell and back. I just don't understand how someone you trust and feel you can open up to can invalidate your feelings so easily when they themselves have dealt with it.

Ya, that really is a tough one, and I really feel for you. You had every reason to expect empathy, and didn't get it. I hope you had the chance to tell her how disappointing and painful that was. It's not a failing on your part, it's on her. I know it really doesn't help to say sometimes people, even those closest to us, hurt and disappoint us. I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

[MellowAvenue]

The thing is, she's been suicidal before. Tried and failed, ended up in a psych ward. I figured that would be the type of person that understood.

It's possible that's how she got over it, assuming she is in fact over it. May have told, convinced, or been convinced that had she took her own life it would be selfish since it'd be hurting her loved ones. When people are put on the spot, they often go to what they know. Not defending her per-se, just offering an explanation. You mentioned she confided in you before so I have to imagine you know it's not the easiest position to be in and some people are not as well prepared as others.

 

[Klo]

Was discussing my mental health and my desire to ctb with a close friend earlier today. She used that stupid expression "it's selfish" and now I just don't feel I can trust her with how I'm really feeling. Am I being irrational?

She probably just could not handle what you were telling her. In some way saying it is selfish is way to say she cares and would be hurt if you do it. It is very tricky to discuss honest feelings about suicide with people who care about you.