Method Found a SN source and I’m ready to CTB but also terrified

[JayJay]

Im gonna put an order for SN soon and got Klonopin so my setup is ready. Yet im still terrified about going through with it. Part of me thinks this depression will pass but I've been wanting to do this for a while. I think about the pain that this decision would cause to my family. But I've been going through so much pain that they couldn't even comprehend it. I was thinking of doing it at my hometown I grew up in. I had very f
fond memories there. I would like to do it at a park. Just to die peacefully admiring nature before my passing. I am worried about it being a failed attempt. Like if I survive and the hypoxia caused by SN gives me permanent brain damage. I wouldn't want to be forced to live in a vegetated state. It's just a lot for me to go through and I need to take my time before I go through with it.

 

[R. A.]

having it doesn't mean you need to use it, either asap or ever. many find peace in just having the means "in case". i hope it removes some of your burden

 

[JayJay]

having it doesn't mean you need to use it, either asap or ever. many find peace in just having the means "in case". i hope it removes some of your burden

Exactly this. Just having it brings me peace. Who knows what could happen to SN. They could make it illegal if they find too many people using it. Thanks for the clarity.

 

[kazatte]

Exactly this. Just having it brings me peace.

i feel this SO MUCH. i'm not ready to ctb yet and i don't know if i will be in the foreseeable future, but i think having a method with me would be really calming and a reminder that i can just go when i'm ready. it's comforting to know you have the power to end your life, if that makes sense

 

[itchingtoend]

I have been saying this to my therapist - that having it in hand will calm the mind.
Would you PM me your source? I've had zero luck.