For those who wanted to or tried offing yourself. How many regret not dying

[Thatdude]

What happens a lot when people try to off themselves and mess up, that or want to but just don't. What keeps them from trying again quickly is hope for maybe a better day tomorrow. For some, it does come. But I wonder how many are like me and found this pretty much won't come. That or the road there is such of uphill climb with ton of problems, that it isn't worth it anymore.

 

[Wrennie]

I regret failing and now I'm even worse off than I was before

 

[BandAddict]

I find myself often thinking about my last attempt. It makes me sad that it didn't work out. I wish I could go back.

 

[Life_and_Death]

im not sure how to answer this one. i had an "attempt" but i didnt attempt. basically like (it was a different method but for example) you have the SN mixed but you dont drink it.

but yes i regret it. i dont in the sense that it probably would have been a major fail even though people have succeeded there before. so thank god i didnt. and i dont regret it in the sense of "i wish i were dead" but its more, if i was dead it wouldnt matter. its difficult to explain.

 

[Captive of Mind]

I wish it worked the first time. I wouldn't have caused so many problems or hurt so many people. I would have avoided all of these years of suffering.

 

[Ardesevent]

I hate the fact I didn't die when I first attempted way back when. I wouldn't have had to go through so many things that way.

 

[262653]

I did several attempts in the past and some of them might have left some indelible damage. Could affect my cognitive skills. It's tricky. I'm also somewhat glad I didn't make any attempts in the recent months as I made some patch-ups that I think are crucial to my success. I would advise others to be careful and plan wisely to avoid critical failures, but I understand too much what it's like not to give a damn.

 

[makingsure4]

I'm glad I survived my attempts but even happier I am free to try again and am looking soon at a no fail suicide.

 

[Mentalmick]

I was so close when I first cut my wrist, I hit the artery but not enough. Just a couple more millimetres. All I had to do was cut again but I was too busy having a panic attack. I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but I've tried 5 times and it seems to get harder every single time. That why I wish Nembutal was easily available. Such an calm and gentle way to pass.

 

[makingsure4]

Yeah for me 9 times. 5 when my "representative payee" had me confined in a basement sleeping on wooden boards, but getting out by biking to school. 4 after my Dad died. I managed to stay out of the hospital on the last 4. I think it may get easier for me each time until wallah! I finish! Hopefully soon. :)

 

[WornOutLife]

I failed to ctb last August and tried to hang myself a few weeks ago.
I definitely can't hang myself but still, I wanna die.

I see no point in living for many years and die as an old grey man.

The thing is, will I be able to?

Who knows? I hope I do.

Meanwhile, I'll enjoy my time with you.

 

[Thatdude]

but I've tried 5 times and it seems to get harder every single time.

For me it has gotten that way too.

 

[Tmaista]

I tried partial hanging last night but SI kicked in and i really need to die

 

[Frauw]

Technically I did end up dead for a little but ended up revived at the hospital, I really wish I had just stayed dead.

 

[muffin222]

I regret not succeeding at my first attempt in August of 2019. I often wish I'd died then, despite the progress I've made in my recovery.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

I wouldn't be here if I didn't regret it

 

[TheGreatEscape]

I wish I had before having children. For me it is not longer an option now though I think about it every day.

I should not that back then I'd done no research, so the plan I had was terrible. (Gin and Tylenol)

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I absolutely regret not dying from my first semi-attempt; missed the chance to die young and missed the chance to end life on a (sort of) positive note. I am very angry at myself for not being successful.

 

[SITEFAN]

First attempt failed for me as well and I regretted it. Waiting for SN soon and hopefully the second attempt will be more fatal

 

[Deleted member 15256]

I planned two times... Got the sn and then decided to stay, believing things would get better.
They didn't.
And today my sn arrived again.
And I am here... Having second thoughts again. Not because of me, but because of the pain my suicide will inflict to others. Specially my son and the person that I love.
I really don't know what to do.

 

[Meditation guide]

I made a "gesture" at age 25 but looking back wish I had actually done it. I can't look at anything good that happened since then.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I had been brought back from the brink twice, over the last three years. The first was when my illness went into remission, which stopped adding fuel to the fire. I was in the process of stockpiling the prescription drug etoricoxib.

The second was during a bad flare-up, and the reality of having to deal with a lifelong medical condition was starting to sink in. One fine day I decided I was done with life and on an impulse wanted to get it over and done with. Hydroxychloroquine (another of my prescriptions; the drug people were panic-buying during the pandemic) overdose was the method of choice. I went to places and did things I used to love – went to the beach, had sashimi and ice-cream then made my way to an offshore island, all the while with a swollen knee and inflamed finger joints. I sent goodbye messages to my friends, thanking them for the good times, and that they should make the most out of life. Unfortunately, that set off alarms, my family was alerted and I had to drop everything.

Since then, nothing has been bad enough for me to rush to CTB; the occasional flare-up is only mildly inconvenient. While I do regret not going through with my plans, hurting my loved ones is something I can't bear to do.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I tried and regret not doing it. Nothing good has happen since so feels like I just subjected myself to loads more pain for no reason.

 

[makingsure4]

Wow, I feel like an outlier when everyone? So far wishes their attempt(s) had worked or have no feelings of gratitude that they did not. I had a lot more I needed accomplish, to get done for experiences, and when writing a memoir you just got to get that sh*t done. But I'm injured now. No job. Everything has come to a halt. I lived on the edge a bit too much after Dad died and hurt myself in the process. Now I'm actually envious of the guy who went last night and hope he is at peace. But failing these attempts has wiped out my desire for some of the easier methods because sometimes they just don't f'ing work! There is anger any one of the last three attempts did not work but also some gratitude. Mixed emotions. Because I still have to get the ctb done! And it has to be right this time because the mental health system could make me have to live in sort of a permanent half way house with others with authorities over us if I fail and have to go to the E.R. I might not be "allowed" to live on my own because of the f'ed up laws! So have to succeed!

 

[Emily_Numb]

I regret is as my last failed attempt was the closest I got to death being in ICU and on life support. When they told me they were very surprised that a. I pulled thought and b. I did without any brain damage - that put the fear of God into me.
When I was then in the psych hospital after my psychiatrist told me that the doctors thought after such an OD I would have had some severe brain function loss, if not full brain damage. The thought of surviving with brain damage is worse than death for me. The actually found this immensely traumatic to think about.
Ending up attempting and then not succeeding and ending up brain damaged and unable to have autonomy over my life would be living hell. Just a vegetable being tube fed and not moving? No thanks.

I wish I didn't fuck it up and got it right, but I didn't. I am still here and am disappointed that's the case

 

[Mixo]

If opening N, trying my hardest to drink it and failing in the past counts as a genuine attempt, then I guess I failed. Now I really wish I hadn't chickened out. Life is so much more painful now - all my problems only progressed and got worse or changed shape.