deadfaery
i was not built for longevity but for holding pain
- Mar 2, 2025
- 6
Hi this is my first time posting in here since joining this forum. I just watched for a while because I am an extremely anxious person and am nervous about posting but I don't have anyone to talk to outside of this forum. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember and my previous partner died last year when we were in a motorcycle accident and that has made my suicidal ideation a lot worse. I have a new boyfriend now and he's very considerate of my grief but it's hard not to compare the relationships and I still constantly wish I had my dead boyfriend back. I discovered this forum after he died because of the intensity of me wanting to reunite with him in the afterlife. I think I have pmdd on top of bpd bc my suicidal ideation gets a lot more intense right before and during my period and it's so hard to cope because I'm constantly on edge and thinking up ways to ctb. I feel so alone and like I'm just in the way of everyone in my life and I'm so tired.
