Finally somewhere I belong

[Jadotine]

First time posting here. I had been lurking on this website for a while but never had been decisive enough to register. I usually never post on social media of any kind so this is also a first for me.

I think I have finally found a place that will accept or support me in the decisions I want to take. I despise my life, I truly do. I have been on and off both therapy and many medications for the past 6 years. So many trips to psych wards or even as an outpatient... and I am honestly so tired of trying.
Of always having to mask around people and pretend I am happy.
Of having the guilt of constantly lying to everyone around me.
Of people telling me that things will get better, because they sure haven't for me.

I feel like I have tried everything already.

I am aware that there are people who care about me, and yet my mental wellbeing has never been lower.
I think I have continued living for other people long enough now... It is about time I think about myself and that I stop postponing. I have finally quit my job, which was about the only thing holding me back from committing.

I will plan everything for next February, and I hope to have some genuine interactions here along the way.
Maybe something will change my mind till then, but I truly don't think that can happen anymore.

Thank you if you've read till this point! If you also have any advice I should know as a new member, I will gladly take them.

 

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

I understand exactly how you feel

 

[Jadotine]

I understand exactly how you feel

Glad to see that someone understands! The reactions here and in real life would be so different... So tiring to have people look at me with pity whenever I would even lightly mention suicidal thoughts lol

 

[Sleeper System]

Quiting a job shows your resolve. Mine is the only thing sort of keeping my pointless life together. Every day it gets harder to get out of bed though. If I lose my job or quit then for me that will be it. Plain and simple. Not about to be my age looking for another job starting from scratch. Fuck that.

But welcome to SaSu. We are all depressed.

 

[U. A.]

Welcome, unfortunately.
My own advice for a former new member is linked below. Several others (not everyone imo) gave some good pointers.

New user here: what should I avoid saying/doing to avoid looking like a tourist?

hi, am new here. i've read the rules and faq, but i'm noticing there's a culture here that i don't really know the ins and outs of yet. i'm kinda socially inept and i'm paranoid about breaking some random unspoken rule any time i post anything. is there anything that i should avoid...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Jadotine]

Quiting a job shows your resolve. Mine is the only thing sort of keeping my pointless life together. Every day it gets harder to get out of bed though. If I lose my job or quit then for me that will be it. Plain and simple. Not about to be my age looking for another job starting from scratch. Fuck that.

But welcome to SaSu. We are all depressed.

It was my case not long ago since I couldn't make my mind on quitting, until I could physically could not get up on time anymore... the decision to quit came naturally after that. I wouldn't say that you have any less resolve than I do!

And thank you for the welcome, I honestly didn't expect that people would reply to my post

Welcome, unfortunately.
My own advice for a former new member is linked below. Several others (not everyone imo) gave some good pointers.

New user here: what should I avoid saying/doing to avoid looking like a tourist?

hi, am new here. i've read the rules and faq, but i'm noticing there's a culture here that i don't really know the ins and outs of yet. i'm kinda socially inept and i'm paranoid about breaking some random unspoken rule any time i post anything. is there anything that i should avoid...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Ah thanks for the link! Its kinda difficult to navigate the website without the search function so that's a godsend

 

[Defenestration]

Welcome to SaSu

 

[livefastdieyoung]

Welcome to SaSu! I'm glad you found this website, it truly is a wonderful place with a sense of community for people like us. Nobody in the real world understands how it feels to want to truly die. I hope that while you're here you can feel connection and comfort, and make friends and be heard. <3

 

[No_Body]

welcome my fellow lurker to poster

 

[darksouls]

you are welcome

 

[ForeverSubhuman]

same here

 

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

Glad to see that someone understands! The reactions here and in real life would be so different... So tiring to have people look at me with pity whenever I would even lightly mention suicidal thoughts lol

I have never been able to fully understand how there are people who do not feel like this… that there are people who truly have never wanted to die.
Their luck clouds their judgement, why should we have to keep suffering while being alive just because they feel it is wrong?

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

Hi, new member. Welcome.
You'll find lots of support and understanding here. I'm quite new myself. I've found almost everyone is kind and doesn't have sinister or ulterior motives on here, and will make you feel at home.
unlike the "normies" who just preach "get a job, struggle, suffer, euthanize your pets, stress to find housing and pay for overpriced goods and you'll be fine. What your employer is an asshole who fired you because he was getting paid by the government programs and now it'srun out? You're just lazy. Get another job".

 

[Jadotine]

I have never been able to fully understand how there are people who do not feel like this… that there are people who truly have never wanted to die.
Their luck clouds their judgement, why should we have to keep suffering while being alive just because they feel it is wrong?

Yeah sometimes it feels like we're living in different worlds, like I get jealous of how blessed some people are... worst part is they don't even know how good they have it

Hi, new member. Welcome.
You'll find lots of support and understanding here. I'm quite new myself. I've found almost everyone is kind and doesn't have sinister or ulterior motives on here, and will make you feel at home.
unlike the "normies" who just preach "get a job, struggle, suffer, euthanize your pets, stress to find housing and pay for overpriced goods and you'll be fine. What your employer is an asshole who fired you because he was getting paid by the government programs and now it'srun out? You're just lazy. Get another job".

Thank you for the welcome! People have been so supportive here and I've just been enjoying my time. I hope to see more of you in the future too :)

Hopefully I won't have to stick along for much longer but it'll be more fun interacting with people on SaSu in the meantime for sure

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

Yeah sometimes it feels like we're living in different worlds, like I get jealous of how blessed some people are... worst part is they don't even know how good they have it

Agree. Especially the "normies" that have no issues (eg: housing crisis & homelessness, abuse, etc) but somehow still complain about things, not realising how many other people have serious issues causing them depression and grief.