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nightlygem

nightlygem

La Joya
Sep 27, 2023
185
Last night, I found myself having a big argument with my partner. Over petty things, of course. But all this drama from me alongside the stress of their brother almost dying and being treated in the ICU… I feel awful. I feel so incredible horrible and I wish I had kept my mouth shut.

I find myself thinking that I deserve punishment of some sort; as if being sick to my stomach and having a panic attack lasting 12 hours wasn't enough. I want to ctb at the most, and at the least I want to cut myself. But I just… can't do it. Like a force that's pulling me back down onto this earth. A force that's keeping me from picking up my blade. I feel so pathetic. A poor excuse of a life and it can't even be bothered to put itself out of its misery.

Truth be told, I know there is a reason for this. "It's not my time" or something like that. But… I really wish it was. I just can't do it. So, here I am. Stuck in this disgusting body, stuck in this evil mind. I am stuck. I can't just "cope" like my family tells me I should do.

I just want out… please. I'm so tired.

thanks for reading this. it warms my heart to know that I'm being heard.
 
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Reactions: BrainShower, Made4TV, lonely&trapped. and 2 others

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