Blowba
A Girl on the Shore
- Aug 12, 2018
- 76
It been a while not to long since I have been on here but after rereading my last post and also going through certain emotions that I have never really had before and the talk and realization from others. My relationship was extremely toxic and emotionally/mentally abusive with constant manipulation, guilt tripping, and being basically trapped in it everytime I have doubts when I wanted to leave it. I never realized it because the thought of someone loving me and when I did actually love them had me blinded but in reality they didnt love nor cared about me at all and tbh they were just lonely. I should of noticed when being in that relationship I was self harming a lot and I have been clean before this relationship, my depression been worse, I've been starving myself much more, and my self image overall my self worth was gone. But if I ever had the opportunity to ever see him again I just want to go off on him I pity him. Especially for a person to cheat on me twice and then when I found out and wanted to leave the relationship threaten to kill themselves and self harm. Or when I just wanted to be out they would say how worthless they were and they are sad that they are hurting themselves even tho they never took into consideration about me when they did all these fucked up shit to me and secretly having an account to hookup and talk to older men online to visit them in other city. I dont hate them at all the only thing i feel is pity but there is one thing that I do hate. It's that I can't believe that I can be loved and now have difficulty in trusting people if they love me after giving someone my everything and loving them until it literally damaged me. I want to work on myself but these emotional effects from my last relationship is making it difficult for me especially my mental health.
