Venting Feeling peace knowing I'm close to CTB

[Melancholys]

It feels like the closer I am to the date I have planned, the more at ease I am in my head. I yearn for that peaceful, gentle rest, the feeling of the darkness enveloping me, to finally be able to rest and eternally slumber.

My mind focuses less and less on the worries I had of planning it, and preparing it all, and I just watch the days go by, knowing I'll finally have my peace, my release, I'll finally be free.

It's 14 days now till my slumber, and I feel myself relaxing more and more honestly. I used to panic and freak out a lot about how I'd go about planning it, if I was doing things right, how people would react, now I only have one worry, which is being hospitalized again, and institutionalized, but at this point, I have confidence in my plan.

I tried Partial hanging for a while but I'm glad I got my hands on SN now, it's helped me to relax a lot knowing I'll have such a relaxed painless method compared to a lot of the others. I feel more than sure of this decision, I want to be free, and I finally can be now, I can finally free myself from the nightmare of living, and have a nice pleasant dream.

Is it normal to have this relief, to finally feel at peace mentally like this? I've got everything planned, down to what I'll watch, listen to, as I go; just laying in a hotel bed peacefully, finally catching the bus as I get to take that final rest.

 

[geepeedee]

idk if it's 'normal' or not, but i am envious of the peace you've already attained. i hope you keep finding it.

 

[Hollowman]

Yeah it's normal but I highly doubt anyone has a pleasant dream. Just a whole lot of nothing.

 

[Melancholys]

Yeah it's normal but I highly doubt anyone has a pleasant dream. Just a whole lot of nothing.

To me, that's much more of a pleasant dream than what the world has given me, than what I've had growing up, so to me, the warm envelopment of darkness, of that nothingness, of my brain and heart stopping, is bliss

 

[horseshoefalls]

It feels like the closer I am to the date I have planned, the more at ease I am in my head. I yearn for that peaceful, gentle rest, the feeling of the darkness enveloping me, to finally be able to rest and eternally slumber.

My mind focuses less and less on the worries I had of planning it, and preparing it all, and I just watch the days go by, knowing I'll finally have my peace, my release, I'll finally be free.

It's 14 days now till my slumber, and I feel myself relaxing more and more honestly. I used to panic and freak out a lot about how I'd go about planning it, if I was doing things right, how people would react, now I only have one worry, which is being hospitalized again, and institutionalized, but at this point, I have confidence in my plan.

I tried Partial hanging for a while but I'm glad I got my hands on SN now, it's helped me to relax a lot knowing I'll have such a relaxed painless method compared to a lot of the others. I feel more than sure of this decision, I want to be free, and I finally can be now, I can finally free myself from the nightmare of living, and have a nice pleasant dream.

Is it normal to have this relief, to finally feel at peace mentally like this? I've got everything planned, down to what I'll watch, listen to, as I go; just laying in a hotel bed peacefully, finally catching the bus as I get to take that final rest.

Yes it's common for someone with a plan to have relief, I wouldn't say normal but definitely common because you know you won't have to worry about anything anymore. It's really sad that this has to be the way to get some sort of lasting relief, though. I wish you luck and eternal peace wherever you end up <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I just want to be free from this existence as well, all I want is the peace of non-existence where finally all is gone and forgotten, I hope you find the freedom you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[nitrogenous]

I had this peacefulness when I ordered my SN and having the SN with me, but when I actually had a set date and time, the night prior I panicked so badly and was just crying over how my life would end in less than 24 hours… Perhaps it's because I put such tight deadlines (of a day instead a month) that made me more anxious and sad, but I'm pretty sure it's quite common for people with longer term set dates to feel that peacefulness at least until they're actually acting on them.

 

[chudpolonais]

i kinda feel you on this one, when i bought a rope i felt a sense of elation almost. even though after weighing in some factors i've decided on a different method, i still smile faintly when i remind myself of that moment, it was like the first stride towards attaining peace

 

[pumpkinboy]

Are you sure?

 

[Melancholys]

Are you sure?

I'm very sure in my decision.

 

[lpdsvm]

It's great to hear it. I hope everything you want will work out perfectly.
Yes, SN, I heard, is peaceful. Even small amounts can work but it takes longer. I am feeling calm as well. I am not sure why. Maybe because I read a lot about those who actually took SN and not some theories about it with weird and long instructions. It was the calmest day today. So nice. I have no date when to CTB.
I have it as well but I can use any method if I lose it for some reason.

 

[Melancholys]

It's great to hear it. I hope everything you want will work out perfectly.
Yes, SN, I heard, is peaceful. Even small amounts can work but it takes longer. I am feeling calm as well. I am not sure why. Maybe because I read a lot about those who actually took SN and not some theories about it with weird and long instructions. It was the calmest day today. So nice. I have no date when to CTB.
I have it as well but I can use any method if I lose it for some reason.

I'm glad that you're able to have such a calm and peaceful day too, honestly it feels nice for everything to be so relaxed and calm compared to normal. And yeah, SN seems to have very very little discomfort especially compared to more drastic methods, just being able to lay there and feel it overtake you. It feels so relaxing too knowing I won't be suffering when I go.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

u said it , its great to have a means to escape the nightmare of living

I hope I can exit this hell soon to the ultimate bliss Non-existence forever

eternal Non-existence is the only guarantee of never suffering pain so bad it's a billion times worse than the worst you can imagine.

imo Death is permanent Non-existence forever safe from constant unbearable pain or extreme suffering,. also no pain no suffering no problems no bad memories ever forever