Discussion Feeling like I'm stuck in stasis

[TheStrawberriest]

Through it all, I still can't bring myself to take the final step. I don't like giving up. It's not in my nature, I'm too stubborn. A part of me still feels like I can still claw my way out of this hole I've dug for myself.

So I swing the other way, but then I just can't bring myself to try anymore. I *want* to give it one more shot, but I've fallen down so many times that I just can't see it ending any differently. Even if I wanted to, I don't know where or how to start my way up again.

Then I swing back the other way and we start all over again.

Anyone else feel like this? Like you can't really come to a decision one way or the other so you just whittle down the time and watch life pass you by.

 

[Busridin'26]

Extremely relatable. For me as the time goes on I feel like "wtf am I doing I really needa ctb if I'm just going to let my life get to this point" but can't bring myself towards much life changes nor close enough to ctb.

This weird limbo that's torture. I have come to the conclusion that I do want to ctb 100% it's just frustrating.

 

[goodlifesurfaceskim]

These two extremes and not being able to carry through with either one, this is where one must rock the boat. then when your shits high as a kite you crash hard and make sure you have resources, time and morals in line so then you have best chances to succeed in ctb. The biggest issue is knowing what it means to rock the boat without fucking up other peoples lives with yours. (who knows how much ive already fucked up peoples lives) better dead early than alive at old age for me.

 

[Hollowman]

Yep, been watching my life pass me by for many years. I've 100% decided I'm just trying to outlast my mom.

 

[fkyou]

morals in line

You don't know how many outbursts of motivation to do it got sabotaged because I was questioning how this is gonna effect the family.but now I'm paying for it cause now after so much time spent delaying questioning things I no longer have the conviction to die anymore and the mental torture is bad.
Plus the method also delays so much time cause I need people to not be around.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Most of the time all I really have to hold on to is the fact that I have a finite number of days. Near the end of every day I feel a small sense of relief that now there's one less day to suffer. In a sense, everyone dies a little, one day at a time, whether they want to or not. For me, it's awesome, and a rare part of life that makes sense.