feeling like ill always fail as a partner

[gattara]

im tired of being so helpless and never being enough. bfs have told me, i am so sweet and kind, but that never seems like enough because they always want emotional relationships or even physical ones with other women. am i ugly? is it that i am neurodivergent and just dont deserve respect? it always hurts so much. i know that i am a lot emotionally for people and i overwhelm them, but everything hurts so much. i feel so much. im 24 years old and i feel so tired.

 

[KilledByUSG]

idk if related but do you think a relationship with two people who are depressed with each other all the time could work

 

[Gild-Holm-’Ur]

You absolutely deserve respect. You're not ugly. I can tell just from your words. Unfortunately, it's a bit harder for some of us to find the person we are meant to be with.

I think a relationship with two depressed people can work. However, I think it takes emotional intelligence. I failed my ex-girlfriend because I couldn't perceive when she had needed me emotionally.

 

[likeblueberries]

In what way exactly are you overwhelming emotionally?

Humans are messy by nature; the more time you spend time with someone the more stressful or embarrassing moments you will have gone through together. Unless you are being outright disrespectful to your partner then this is supposed to be something you work on together.

Also don't let being neurodivergent define you. I do feel pretty misunderstood by normies myself but I know I mean good and someone who loves you will look past the immediate handicap that is you not fitting in socially.

 

[gattara]

In what way exactly are you overwhelming emotionally?

Humans are messy by nature; the more time you spend time with someone the more stressful or embarrassing moments you will have gone through together. Unless you are being outright disrespectful to your partner then this is supposed to be something you work on together.

Also don't let being neurodivergent define you. I do feel pretty misunderstood by normies myself but I know I mean good and someone who loves you will look past the immediate handicap that is you not fitting in socially.

i am overwhelming emotionally because i have a tendency to spiral in people's messages, like saying how upset i am and how i want to die. ive stopped doing it, especially to my bf after he said it was too overwhelming and it makes him want to cry in the bathroom and he can't do that during work and that it's a once in a blue moon thing he can listen to. but then i get confused because once i stop doing it he wants to hear it again.

the "neurodivergent" stuff is hard..... i don't heavily identify with it because i wish it wasn't a thing tbh but i am neurodivergent especially in terms of communication.

 

[likeblueberries]

i am overwhelming emotionally because i have a tendency to spiral in people's messages, like saying how upset i am and how i want to die. ive stopped doing it, especially to my bf after he said it was too overwhelming and it makes him want to cry in the bathroom and he can't do that during work and that it's a once in a blue moon thing he can listen to. but then i get confused because once i stop doing it he wants to hear it again.

the "neurodivergent" stuff is hard..... i don't heavily identify with it because i wish it wasn't a thing tbh but i am neurodivergent especially in terms of communication.

Your boyfriend seems to be pretty emotionally overwhelming too. It would obviously be a bad sign for him to not care at all when you spiral but to "I want to cry in the bathroom" is a bit of an overreaction.

He could be more assertive and tell you exactly when he's available or calm enough to engage with your emotions. It is also rather common to have moments where you feel bad and want attention from your partner, especially for women. I don't think this is something you should feel guilty about.

I relate to your experience with being neurodivergent. I don't even use the word to describe myself because at this point it seems to be used as a cultural identifier and not a human characteristic. I always have to remind myself to imagine what others feel communicating with me so I am not misunderstood. This is not enough though, still most people who are close to me put up with it to a degree.

 

[gattara]

Your boyfriend seems to be pretty emotionally overwhelming too. It would obviously be a bad sign for him to not care at all when you spiral but to "I want to cry in the bathroom" is a bit of an overreaction.

He could be more assertive and tell you exactly when he's available or calm enough to engage with your emotions. It is also rather common to have moments where you feel bad and want attention from your partner, especially for women. I don't think this is something you should feel guilty about.

I relate to your experience with being neurodivergent. I don't even use the word to describe myself because at this point it seems to be used as a cultural identifier and not a human characteristic. I always have to remind myself to imagine what others feel communicating with me so I am not misunderstood. This is not enough though, still most people who are close to me put up with it to a degree.

well to be fair my spirals are pretty intense, they're like "I WANT TO DIE I WANT SUICIDE PLEASE I THINK OF JUMPING OUT THE BUILDING AND IF SOMEONE SHOT ME IN THE HEAD ID BE FREE OF THE CONSTANT PRESSURE no one understands how much pain im in im going to die i want to die". also people close to him have died by suicide so i don't like to bring the word up.....