Feeling erratic

[Whitebigwall]

i struggle with self harm quite badly and have recently been trying to stop, after severe self harm that led to hospitalisation. Whenever I self harm, my boyfriend gets annoyed at me. But sometimes when it's late at night and I'm alone, i get this rush of energy and anger inside of me and I don't know any other way of getting it out. Its almost like I just want to feel something because I feel so numb and empty and I can't feel anything at the time. But after I do it, I regret it because I don't want the scars on my skin

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Do you want a suggestion for getting energy and anger out?

Won't make any suggestions if you don't want them.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Have you and your bf talked openly about why you self harm? If annoyance is his primary reaction, he may not fully understand. Might be worth being very open about things. Otherwise you will end up trying to hide it from him so you don't annoy him, and that could lead to other difficulties.

 

[Whitebigwall]

Do you want a suggestion for getting energy and anger out?

Won't make any suggestions if you don't want them.

Yes please

Have you and your bf talked openly about why you self harm? If annoyance is his primary reaction, he may not fully understand. Might be worth being very open about things. Otherwise you will end up trying to hide it from him so you don't annoy him, and that could lead to other difficulties.

We have talked about it and I know for a fact he doesn't fully understand. He says it himself he doesn't fully understand and says that it is selfish of me to do so and that "it hurts him as much as it hurts me". I don't think it's really possible to hide it from him because obviously we get intimate ://

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Yes please

I've used this one:

Lay on your back on the bed and hit it. Fling out your arms from your chest.

Another is to just stand at the bed and hit the mattress with a broom handle, pillow, bat, etc.

Some people twist a towel, some try to rip a phone book, neither does much for me, and I can't remember the last time I saw a phone book, but probably even a paperback would do.

 

[Whitebigwall]

I've used this one:

Lay on your back on the bed and hit it. Fling out your arms from your chest.

Another is to just stand at the bed and hit the mattress with a broom handle, pillow, bat, etc.

Some people twist a towel, some try to rip a phone book, neither does much for me, and I can't remember the last time I saw a phone book, but probably even a paperback would do.

What do you personally do? I feel like all I want to do is hurt myself. Like none of the things you mentioned would help because it doesn't hurt me? Do you understand what I mean?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

We have talked about it and I know for a fact he doesn't fully understand. He says it himself he doesn't fully understand and says that it is selfish of me to do so and that "it hurts him as much as it hurts me". I don't think it's really possible to hide it from him because obviously we get intimate ://

I don't know much about self-harm so I don't want to delve into the area of advice. I do think, though, that language such as "selfish" and "hurts me" is not helpful. It vilifies you. I don't doubt that he cares deeply for you and wants you to feel better, but he should perhaps be told that his perspective might need to change if he hopes to affect the situation.