Venting Feel like Im one tragedy away from ctb

[Rustysoupcan]

I tried to ctb 6 weeks ago and ended up hospitalized and now in a group home. I do think I'm doing a little better since I can get out of bed now and do some hobbies. But at any minor inconvenience I think I should just ctb because it's like that's just evidence that life sucks and I shouldnt live anymore. I can get through the smaller stuff, but if anything big comes my way, like a breakup or a car accident or something like that I'll just end it impulsively. I'm kind of just waiting until I can go home and eventually ctb since my depression never actually goes away. It might get better like right now where I can do more, but I can never fully function like a normal person.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate so much.

In my case, I failed to ctb last year and ended up in a 2-day coma, 1 month in hospital, and 5 months as a prisoner (my parents house).
Then, just like you, I started to show improvements from smaller to bigger things.
Major problems are still an issue for me but I'm managing to have a normal life for now. I hope you can do it too.

Hugs