Feel like I might try tomorrow

[HiImPaul]

Parents have forced me to get a part time job recently despite my severe depression. And after only 4 shifts I can say I hate it with every fiber of my being. It's not even a particularly stressful job. It's just that every moment I'm there I just want to go home and lay down in my bed instead of being there. Every moment I'm thinking about how if I just CTB I won't ever have to do this again. Don't have to work again until Thursday but they decided to give me an 8 hour shift instead of a 4/5 hour one like normal, which was already hard enough for me. So I'm thinking of just ending it tomorrow before I have to suffer another day at that stupid job. I've already practiced with partial suspension and I can easily start to achieve blacking out. I'll have to see how I'm feeling about everything tomorrow. But if this feeling of utter dread doesn't go away I might just do it.

 

[angiegirl30]

Please don't. Maybe try and find a different job. One that you would like better. One that is interesting to you. Ctb is not going to go anywhere.

 

[HiImPaul]

Please don't. Maybe try and find a different job. One that you would like better. One that is interesting to you. Ctb is not going to go anywhere.

This is the easiest job I've ever had. If I can't do this there's not much else for me. I don't find anything interesting that's the problem with depression… the only thing I want to do is lay on my bed all day and not move.

 

[angiegirl30]

Believe me, I get it. I got out of bed today and showered. That was my victory for today.

I hate to ask but are you on any antidepressants? I was on them for awhile until I had some health issues. But they were very helpful. I found that I was more interested in life after I started taking them. And even though this job is easy, if you can't stand the work, you are naturally going to hate it. Maybe a diff job would be better. For example, I would hate working at Burger King but I would like it better if I was in a coffee shop or book store. Do you see what I mean? It's just whatever interests you.

 

[cececo]

Good job getting through the job for as long as you have, especially when it wasn't one you picked for yourself. Is there any type of other work you'd like to try still, even if just once? If not and all you want is to sleep, and you don't need the money, ask for your hours to be scaled back or leave if you can. Not that I can really talk, I called out from a shift at work today and ended up feeling terribly empty and yet I get anxious before going to work. I'm not sure of any right answer myself but think things through and reach out if/when necessary and see how it goes, if you're able to.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Whatever you decide, I hope you can find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all it is your life and your decision and only you know what is best for yourself. I know it can be unbearable living a life you hate. I understand that it can be awful to have constant feelings of dread. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Eternity]

I'm sorry you feel this way.

It is your decision after all, but to ctb because of the job, that's not worth it :( Maybe you can talk to your parents? It's very understandable that you cannot work with severe depression and that it makes the depression worse. I wish you the best

 

[Grey-zoner]

Completely unrelated, but I really like your avatar pic. I have the feeling daily of being monkeyed by genetics.

I'm a 31-year old working part-time and living with his parents. I understand the horror of work. I wish you the best with whatever decision you make. I would say no job or relationship is worth ending your life over, which is worth more than any dogshit labor, but of course the reasons for suicide are rarely as simple as that.

 

[Rabhen]

Parents have forced me to get a part time job recently despite my severe depression. And after only 4 shifts I can say I hate it with every fiber of my being. It's not even a particularly stressful job. It's just that every moment I'm there I just want to go home and lay down in my bed instead of being there. Every moment I'm thinking about how if I just CTB I won't ever have to do this again. Don't have to work again until Thursday but they decided to give me an 8 hour shift instead of a 4/5 hour one like normal, which was already hard enough for me. So I'm thinking of just ending it tomorrow before I have to suffer another day at that stupid job. I've already practiced with partial suspension and I can easily start to achieve blacking out. I'll have to see how I'm feeling about everything tomorrow. But if this feeling of utter dread doesn't go away I might just do it.

My heart to you. I sooooooooo understand. For me it is not so much the work, it is being around the humans. I hate humans. Sorry if you are a human, I am too, sux. I find being around humans, especially asshole humans, of which there are WAY too many, rather exhausting. More exhausting than the pain my body suffers from the curved spine and neuromuscular disease. I feel your pain you live with your parents still and are still under their control, but have you looked into finding some work you can do from home, over the internet or such where you can dress your way to be comfortable, wear no pants or shoes, work out of your bed even if you want. May not be possible due to parental constraints and your own abilities, but it is a thought, maybe something to get you compliant and possibly give you a way out to your place eventually.
Just wondering...do you Have to have a job or can you be taking classes? Coursera and other online universities and institutions have a multitude of free courses one can use to improve their skills to get a better job. Freelance writers can work from home and there a some great writing courses. IT courses abound if you can understand any of that stuff and I hear those jobs pay well, with many available to be worked from home. In any case, the classes can be taken as quickly or slowly as needed and can be done online from your bed, I know, I got a certificate in literature from my bed.
My dad did the same thing to me when I was an unwed expectant mother with medical issues and no transportation and lived in a area with no buses or public transportation of any kind. I was told to get out of the house by 7am, no matter the amount of snow and how pregnant I was and how far, 2 miles from ANY place of work, and walk to find a job. It took being hospitalized with an early delivery due to my medical conditions and not being allowed to bedrest as the doctor ordered. I was thrown out onto the street when my son was two months old because I could not find work, or child care. Nice job Dad.
Just wanted you to know you are not the only one.

 

[Crazy4u]

Please don't. Maybe try and find a different job. One that you would like better. One that is interesting to you. Ctb is not going to go anywhere.

I am with angie. It is better to take days off than ctb. ask your psychiatric for better medication.

Ctb over a useless part time job is sad. You are more valuable than a useless job

 

[fox_wannabe]

My part time job also one time made me attempt. I understand what you go through.

 

[xtal666]

Working or studying while depressed is the worst.
Please quit this job and stay in bed. Sleep and eat.
Love,
Heather