Fear and the instinct to survive

[Upon a hanging Body]

How do you get over these things when you're tired of everything? How do you fight past them?

 

[ma0]

Believe me, I'm trying. My current plan is to just destroy myself so much SI just ceases to exist.

 

[Azlia]

do you mean how do you surpass the survival instinct when trying? best way is to have a quick easy to execute method, the more complex it is to execute, it will be easier for the instinct to hit

 

[endpages]

It's difficult for sure, and different for everyone. I almost went all the way with a handgun CTB earlier this month, but couldn't actually make myself do it. After looking back and thinking about it, I felt like it wasn't SI that got in the way, but just imagining how "gory" it would be (even if I wouldn't see it), and how painful it would be if it went wrong. I picked it because it seemed like a simple method and easy for me to obtain, but the reality of the attempt showed me things I hadn't considered. I also realized that in that moment, if I could have pressed a button for an instant, painless CTB...I think I absolutely would have done it. So it's not always totally about SI.

But now I'm going for SN, because it feels a lot easier/peaceful to take a drink than to pull the trigger of a gun aimed at myself. I can't be sure how I will respond when the time comes, but I feel at peace about it.

It also helps that not a moment has gone by from my aborted handgun attempt when I wish I had been able to CTB that night. Those feelings have given me motivation and peace about my next attempt.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I wish I knew the answer. Each time I get closer to CTB my brain comes up with yet another new way to make it harder to follow through. I'm also trying to be mindful of my family in my timing so as to not create undue suffering. I figure I'll just try to be persistent, since I know I want to die every moment of every day, and eventually one day the stars will align and it will happen.

 

[barely_afloat]

Quite the coincidence, I was thinking about the exact same thing. But more so in terms of self harm

 

[soonnotkoei]

SI is a bitch. no matter how hard i try to convince myself that its time to go, my brain holds onto the silliest, most mundane things as an excuse to not die. it is gonna be a difficult thing for me to overcome.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

My SI becomes the stronger the closer the planned date approaches. I think an early point of no return could help, for example hire a hitman some time before it is going to happen. But I know this is not a realistic approach.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of suffering, I also feel so tired, I hope that you find the relief you search for.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Believe me, I'm trying. My current plan is to just destroy myself so much SI just ceases to exist.

It's a battle inside the brain