family making it worse

[popcorn]

i have depression, adhd and panic attacks. because of my recent attempts my psychiatrist is refusing to give me any medications which make it even worse again. my parents tell me i dont have adhd and i need to snap out of it and behave myself, sometimes i have no control of my episodes and behaviour. they dont understand. i feel so much frustration and anger

i am also in active opiate addiction and borderline cocaine and alcoholic, my family say i have no will power and are a weak person, this makes me feel super sad. they compare my addictions to quitting cigarettes and sit on their high horse about it. they are nothing of the same (nicotine compared to opiate, alcoholism and addiction)

their words and lack of understanding make me feel so much worse about myself and the fact i have no control and makes me feel so alone and trapped, no one understands me. i feel so so alone

my partner (we are currently separated temporarily) she had a psychotic breakdown and i had to play a part in her going to hospital, it was the hardest decision of my life, i miss her so much and i dont even know where she is or if i will ever see her again, i just want to hear her voice and see her smile one last time and i feel so much guilt and despair and regret and sorrow, i love her dearly, i miss her immensely and its really getting me down, i just want to hold her and its on my mind all the time its so painful and im guilt ridden

everyone will be better off without my bullshit

when i was at breaking point i had to much to drink and smashed a police car window, committed a theft and an assualt. im at breaking point and dont know why i havent been sectioned already

i want to ctb immediately. i tried partial again this weekend but it didn't work, my other two attempts were almost successful and resulted in me being resuscitated and going to hospital. this made my life even worse, i lost my job and my family hate me and i hate myself for putting them through this, i feel such a burden i just want out

if i had SN right now i would drink it without hesitation. my last two years have been plagued with loss, mental and physical pain, im sure i have ptsd from it

i dont know how to get better i feel ive tried everything, has anyone had the same experience?

 

[WornOutLife]

Family and people surrounding you can be really mean.
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that.

In me case, my mom never supported me. She has schizophrenia and when I was forced to live with her and my dad because of my failed attempt, I thought I was gonna lose my mind for real.

My best advice would be for you to find somebody who actually supports you and makes you feel better.

It could be a friend, an online pal, whatever!

Wish you the best and hope you can get better!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[popcorn]

Family and people surrounding you can be really mean.
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that.

In me case, my mom never supported me. She has schizophrenia and when I was forced to live with her and my dad because of my failed attempt, I thought I was gonna lose my mind for real.

My best advice would be for you to find somebody who actually supports you and makes you feel better.

It could be a friend, an online pal, whatever!

Wish you the best and hope you can get better!

Hugs and love,

Matt

thank you for your kind words, my partner has schizophrenia so i get how hard it can be to stay connected in that relationship, i cared for her deeply and tried my best but it was immensely hard work but also worth it in my eyes

at this point i dont want to get better, things are getting worse and ive lost the resolve to carry on. when the time is right i will ctb. ive had enough of this shit show of life and im ready to check out