Does anyone else have frequent existential crises? I've been having them a lot lately. I've always pondered the thought of why I've been chosen for this life. Why wasn't I born as another person, why me? I could have been born in Europe as a successful young man, or in Australia, or anywhere else... But I just so happened to have been born here. Sometimes it doesn't seem real to me, like I'm having a bad dream or something, like I don't actually exist, and this is just a convoluted facade that I can't escape from.. I really don't know if that's psychosis, I haven't been diagnosed with psychosis, but I've caught myself disconnecting from reality at times, behaving in ways I wouldn't normally behave, hearing voices (sometimes) and seeing things. I've been told that I'm at age of developing psychosis or schizophrenia. My family doesn't seem to have a history of mental illness, as far as I know, they are all rather "normal" people, but I was emotionally abused as a child, resulting in PTSD, maybe that could have caused it, I'm not exactly sure. Nobody believes me that I have PTSD, my family treats me as if I'm insane, like I'm some deranged mutt, and they want to me locked away forever in a mental hospital if I mention anything about it. It's not good to let things like that build up though, as It'll just explode into a mental breakdown, I've been having a lot of those lately as well. I do go outside sometimes to take walks, I don't keep myself in isolation for too long. I really do enjoy walks, but I do have paranoia as if someone is always watching me, I'll always check my surroundings, at night I feel safer to take walks, i should feel safer in the daylight, right? But I don't. In fact, I'm going to take a walk after posting this, I should go ahead and take that walk, I need fresh air.
Anyway, thanks for reading my rambling.
Wish love and happiness to everyone on SanctionedSuicide.
bye.
Anyway, thanks for reading my rambling.
Wish love and happiness to everyone on SanctionedSuicide.
bye.
