Everything will be fine

[noname223]

My parents always tell me everything will be fine. Everything will be okay. They do not only tell this to me they tell this to themselves in order to ease the guilt they should feel for abusing me. I am a wreck. I am mentally severly ill. I have suicidal thoughts for years (since i am a teenager). My mental health is very fragile. I probably cannot work. I really try everything i can. But i fail brutally just because they fucked up my brain. My life will probably end in suicide. The last years were a horror show. In my opinion suicide should be the last ressort but when i see my life rationally there is not much to live on for. I am not sure when i will do it. I still have a little chance that my life becomes better.
I do not want to say at the end of my life i did not try.
Sometimes i would really like to believe them. But the past years show that my prospects of life are not very good. Do you still have hope?

 

[Ghost2211]

Life can get better for some and not others. If you have a family that loves you maybe it can get better. Take it one day at a time.

I don't have hope, but I have the drive to keep going and fighting for my kids. I won't let my bully, selfish, narcissistic ex win. No, I don't think things will be ok.

 

[alice-in-wonderland]

Recently out of nowhere I started feeling better despite living in terror and mental agony last couple of years. It made me realise that things can still get better despite trauma still burning fresh in my brain - not in a "happily ever after" sense, but in a way where I desire a cup of coffee/new look/new skill and not suicide.
I understand though it is hard to move forward when one is depressed. One compassionate person once told me to find something I enjoy and do it. While it was a valuable suggestion, for me it sounded as if I had to climb Everest for no good reason or find my non existent self in a desert.
P.S. It wasn't out of nowhere technically - I ended toxic relationships.
P.P.S. leaving my mom's house and moving countries 10 years ago helped too.