Ever think of suicide as a back-up plan?

[dontaskmewhatithink]

I find the idea of suicide comforting. If things don't work out, I can just exit my life. It makes me feel very selfish, though. Like I'm deliberately preparing to hurt all the people in my life. But sometimes I just feel like everyone else has it all, and I've got nothing, even though objectively I am probably luckier than a lot of other people. I have this deep sense of inferiority that is triggered by little things here and there, and the idea of suicide feels like a comforting thought in moments when I feel down or extremely anxious. I've attempted once years ago, but it was an attention-seeking act, and I never really wanted to die. Sometimes I wish that I truly meant it, was truly ready to go through with it, even though that's probably counterintuitive. Sometimes I wish I could just not feel a thing.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I felt this way since I was 14-15 years old especially as you describe it being comforting to know that "you can just exit" I am now 32 years old and imo it isn´t easy to overcome SI at all so as bad as it sound right now and maybe slightly (pro-life) I think at least for me "the only way out is through" So I just try and improve my life despite it only gets worse and worse by each passing year and pro-lifers will of course tell you "you have to keep going", I don´t agree with that if you´re strong enough to ctb I respect those people sooo much!!! but for me but for me "the only way out is through" and fortunately it´s gonna end someday.

 

[dontaskmewhatithink]

I felt this way since I was 14-15 years old especially as you describe it being comforting to know that "you can just exit" I am now 32 years old and imo it isn´t easy to overcome SI at all so as bad as it sound right now and maybe slightly (pro-life) I think at least for me "the only way out is through" So I just try and improve my life despite it only gets worse and worse by each passing year and pro-lifers will of course tell you "you have to keep going", I don´t agree with that if you´re strong enough to ctb I respect those people sooo much!!! but for me but for me "the only way out is through" and fortunately it´s gonna end someday.

Thanks for sharing. Some days I wish I could end it all because it feels like my entire life is comprised of anxiety and hoping this one thing works out, and then it doesn't. I've had good moments, don't get me wrong, but I still feel inadequate. In a way, I think my SI is based on wanting to show people how much it hurts. So I too have respect for those who decide and do it, meanwhile I feel like I'm just playing pretend. Pathetic and attention-seeking. I just hope it gets better someday, but even then I feel like this sense of inadequacy will stay there, aching away,

 

[bankai]

I want the method to be foolproof. I want it to be painless. I'm still on this site, just waiting for good information. And I'm just sitting at home simply just looking forward to die and being unable to.Man today is a bad day.

 

[dontaskmewhatithink]

I want the method to be foolproof. I want it to be painless. I'm still on this site, just waiting for good information. And I'm just sitting at home simply just looking forward to die and being unable to.Man today is a bad day.

I understand. Yesterday was a terrible day for me. I found myself wishing for a suicide pill. It would make things easier. Nevertheless, the idea of nothingness scares me. I desperately want afterlife to be real in those moments.

 

[WanderingGypsy]

I have been thinking about this a lot! I have a lot of things in the air right now and a lot of things changing and shifting. I have felt like ctb for a long time now and have been feeling more ready, including coming up with a plan. Right now I'm waiting to hear if I got a job that I applied for, and I just found out the person I rent from is moving, meaning I'll have to move. Everything is so overwhelming and nothing seems to be working out right now. Right now, I'm kind of thinking if I don't get the job I might ctb. I feel like that would be the best thing considering I'm so broke and have no idea how I can afford to move and afford higher rent.
I'm already on the edge of being done and if these things don't work out, I think I'll go thru with it all and just finally have some peace!

 

[dontaskmewhatithink]

I have been thinking about this a lot! I have a lot of things in the air right now and a lot of things changing and shifting. I have felt like ctb for a long time now and have been feeling more ready, including coming up with a plan. Right now I'm waiting to hear if I got a job that I applied for, and I just found out the person I rent from is moving, meaning I'll have to move. Everything is so overwhelming and nothing seems to be working out right now. Right now, I'm kind of thinking if I don't get the job I might ctb. I feel like that would be the best thing considering I'm so broke and have no idea how I can afford to move and afford higher rent.
I'm already on the edge of being done and if these things don't work out, I think I'll go thru with it all and just finally have some peace!

I'm the same. If I don't get the job, I feel like my life will be over. And this won't be the first time. Makes me want to come up with a back-up plan, but no methods seem reliable.

I have been thinking about this a lot! I have a lot of things in the air right now and a lot of things changing and shifting. I have felt like ctb for a long time now and have been feeling more ready, including coming up with a plan. Right now I'm waiting to hear if I got a job that I applied for, and I just found out the person I rent from is moving, meaning I'll have to move. Everything is so overwhelming and nothing seems to be working out right now. Right now, I'm kind of thinking if I don't get the job I might ctb. I feel like that would be the best thing considering I'm so broke and have no idea how I can afford to move and afford higher rent.
I'm already on the edge of being done and if these things don't work out, I think I'll go thru with it all and just finally have some peace!

I hope things work out for you. Reading your response was like reading my own thoughts. In those moments, I so deeply wish things like manifestation were real. I wish I could have some control over these things.