Venting Ever since my partner left a year ago, I’ve wanted to die. I’m getting very close.

[Confront4283]

I'm done with it all.

I've tried everything to improve my life, all the dogshit advice they give. "Go to therapy! Start excercising! Go on walks! Get a job! Make friends!" Literally fucking all of it, every last one. All in hopes that I won't wanna die anymore, and it's no use. I still want to die.

They make me feel better for a bit until I realise it's a distraction and all the thoughts flood back of my partner and how I literally poured my entire life meaning into us (I was 16 when I first got with them), I'm 24 now and I miss them everyday. No matter what I can't stop the memories from flooding in.

They left because of my ADHD and how I couldn't look after the flat well, they ordered commands at me and despite them trying to understand they just couldn't, because I wasn't good enough for them they left and now I'm left stranding of how I thought we were going to spend our lives together.

Now I'm alone, I tried to fill the void by moving back in with my parents but I just genuinely do not see a future without them. Everything I did was in context of building a life with them, I got a degree so I could be a breadwinner for us, I bought them a car so we could travel together, I got engaged to them, I found a job so I could start earning for us, we were looking at houses.

I was always depressed but I found meaning in a life we could build together and now I'm suicidal and don't see a path forward. At all.

Whats the point of living honestly? It's now just to work and go home and distract myself from the meaningless of it at all. Some people selfishly have kids to give meaning, but I could never do that to some poor victim. I'm done.

 

[dontaskmewhatithink]

I know it's probably really hard to accept, but from what you've written here it seems like you two weren't the right fit for each other. The right partner won't leave you because you're struggling and have become inconvenient for them. You're so young, you have all the chances to meet someone better. Stay strong.

 

[Reflection]

Im kind of on the same boat so I understand you a lot. They are irreplaceable for me so the idea of working my ass off only to go back to an empty apartment for the rest of my life while missing them hits like a truck.

 

[anonym167]

I feel the same as you. My partner died in January unexpectedly and my life has just not been the same. It doesn't matter what you do when your life and you feel empty. It doesn't fill the emptiness. It doesn't replace what you lost.

 

[CynicalCyanide]

I feel the same. Even though we had a relationship much shorten than you, it devours me to be without them. I was suicidal before the relationship, during I was very happy and now after back to suicidal again. I miss them so much. I wanna tell you it gets better and you will find someone you can love as much but right now, being in this situation myself, it doesn't feel authentic to say...