Ever since I opened up to my close ones I feel so empty

[sayuri]

So I ended up seeking help in medication thanks to a friend. I told my brother about it and admitted I tried to commit CTB 2 days ago. Told him basically everything that's been happening. He was ofc very worried and told me if something happened to me there would be a good chance he would commit too. I'm still thinking about this and about other reactions I got but his was the one that struck me most. It was a bunch of mixed feelings from people that know. I just don't know how to feel about everything. I feel so empty. I broke down last night and I don't think I ever cried so much in my life. I felt like I was going to die just because of the stress and pain.
Like, I'm not sure this was something good, it sure did take courage to act and do something to get better but I feel like, for now, I feel so much worse. I just wish it was different, I wish I wasn't loved as I am so I could just go. It's so sad to glimpse at the damage I would do to people's lives if I commit. I'm so exhausted of everything.

 

[lost_one]

I know it doesn't feel like it, but I think it was a good think you did by opening up, not necessarily to everyone but at least to your brother, I feel like his reaction just means how much he loves you and how much you mean to him, it's obviously a lot, and no you don't need to feel responsible for your brother's life, so try and take some time to just sit with your feelings and process things, take your time, trying to CTB not not something light, it is heavy and hard, so just take your time. I hope you feel better soon