h4ppyhypoxia
Member
- Aug 8, 2026
- 5
after living with suicidal ideation for years, ive discovered that its not as much of a product of mental illness as I initially thought it was, im not going to lie and say its completely independent of it, but i just think i have a rational rejection of existence, even if i were healthy, id probably still choose to CTB
there is no magic button that I can press to make me mentally healthy, ive got to put years of hard work into therapy and medication, it might make me sound lazy, but its more that its deeply unfair, im going to have to strive every day to attempt to reach a level of mental stability that still isnt on the same level as healthy people, it looks like the most realistic prognosis for me is "tolerable life with some good moments" which isnt what i want at all, one of my mental health conditions is anorexia, realistically I already know my lifespan has been cut short by this, it feels like im going to work very hard to treat my mental illness, and then as soon as i get some peace, the physical health complications are going to kick in, and ill be miserable again, also this world just doesnt feel like recovering for, why put years of effort in for this?
even if there were said magic button, life jsut doesnt seem worth it, the risks outweigh the rewards, its simply draining, you have to work very hard just to survive comfortably, and youre guaranteed to watch the ones you love die, ik this might sound edgy, but ive always thought that most people would choose to never have been born if they were given the option, life isnt all meaningless, there are some parts that i enjoy, but those do not counteract all the bad parts of it that we are forced to endure, it seems like most people i know are just getting through the days and surviving rather than living
there is no magic button that I can press to make me mentally healthy, ive got to put years of hard work into therapy and medication, it might make me sound lazy, but its more that its deeply unfair, im going to have to strive every day to attempt to reach a level of mental stability that still isnt on the same level as healthy people, it looks like the most realistic prognosis for me is "tolerable life with some good moments" which isnt what i want at all, one of my mental health conditions is anorexia, realistically I already know my lifespan has been cut short by this, it feels like im going to work very hard to treat my mental illness, and then as soon as i get some peace, the physical health complications are going to kick in, and ill be miserable again, also this world just doesnt feel like recovering for, why put years of effort in for this?
even if there were said magic button, life jsut doesnt seem worth it, the risks outweigh the rewards, its simply draining, you have to work very hard just to survive comfortably, and youre guaranteed to watch the ones you love die, ik this might sound edgy, but ive always thought that most people would choose to never have been born if they were given the option, life isnt all meaningless, there are some parts that i enjoy, but those do not counteract all the bad parts of it that we are forced to endure, it seems like most people i know are just getting through the days and surviving rather than living
