even good days depress me

[nosurpries]

i had an exceptionally good day yesterday, better than i've had in maybe 2 or 3 years. yet at the end of the day i still found myself fantasizing about suicide. i just feel like no matter what, i will always want to die. nothing will ever help me, no amount of "better" days will make me want to live. if anything, the really good day i had yesterday only helped me solidify my decision of killing myself.

 

[Insomniac]

this is very relatable actually. even when I hang out with my cousins at restaurants and parcs as soon as I'm alone again I'm more depressed and suicidal than ever. Good days make me the most depressed because I feel like they're just mirages like an oasis in the desert and I know that underneath I'm still dying of thirst.

 

[Klophy]

Yeah, sometimes i'll have a moment where it doesn't feel as bad but then once that moment fades away i'm back to who i normally am.

The crash from that high is brutal, the following feelings that come are always worse than normal, whether it be panic or whatever.

 

[FuneralCry]

I never have good days, I have no idea what that would be like, but I do know that nothing could ever make me not suicidal. I just see existence as being so pointless. I have never wanted to be alive and to me just the fact that life is a thing in the first place, is so depressing. Best wishes.

 

[DarkNearDeath]

i had an exceptionally good day yesterday, better than i've had in maybe 2 or 3 years. yet at the end of the day i still found myself fantasizing about suicide. i just feel like no matter what, i will always want to die. nothing will ever help me, no amount of "better" days will make me want to live. if anything, the really good day i had yesterday only helped me solidify my decision of killing myself.

It's recently been there a lot

 

[outrider567]

'A good day'--not happening in 2022

 

[Yumeko.dreams]

yeah.

 

[chocolatebar]

Sometimes, when I experience something good, I ask myself how much I missed that in my life and I even do calculations about how many good moments I can expect to have and what percentage of my life they would make. I'm also guilty of numerically comparing my experiences to that of an average person... something like "this good moment I had after X years is experienced about Y times a year by an average person and that means I only had Z% of the joy of an average person". There's no need to mention about how depressive I get in these moments.

 

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

I totally feel you. It's shit all the way down and all the way up!

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

They taunt me, personally. I start thinking I'm not mentally ill anymore! And then the next day comes...

 

[Lone Wanderer]

I actually had an amazing day with my family at the springs. It was nice. But the moment I got home it was like every bit of happiness I had just left, and now I'm back to my overly depressing self. But I'm glad I got to make a happy memory today. I have to make as many as I can before I go...

 

[anonymoussadbeing]

I never have good days, I have no idea what that would be like, but I do know that nothing could ever make me not suicidal. I just see existence as being so pointless. I have never wanted to be alive and to me just the fact that life is a thing in the first place, is so depressing. Best wishes.

I love you because I relate so much to you.