Emotions

[TheHatedOne]

It's funny how my partner left me, now I'm completely alone, I'm also in a very tight situation from which the worst case scenario would be returning to the house of abuse... but I'm not feeling anything. No crying, no heartbreak, no worry. I can't feel anything at all. I'm dull, emotionless. My whole life I've been known as hyper sensitive and very emotional. But now I'm cold as ice... it's not the first time. Two years ago I was writing in my personal blog and wondering how I feel emotions less and less intense. I started from barely feeling anything, the only emotions I could still normally do were sadness and anger. Still applies to this day. But today is special. I can't recall being like this before.

Oh and crying, I feel like I don't have tears anymore to cry. It's weird cause on rare ocassions I'd burst in tears, but mostly I'm just like this. I tried to force myself to cry many times because I felt like it, but I simply couldn't. It was frustrating.

It will be curious to see if I become completely emotionless and soulless as time goes by.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I can relate. I've always been hypersensitive and very emotional too, and would cry easily and often. Over the years though as my life has gotten worse, and I've felt perpetually overwhelmed and stressed out and my anxiety and depression have skyrocketed, I rarely cry now even when I'm very upset/sad/worried, etc. If I *do* cry, it's not much or as hard or for as long as I used to. I've had that SAME exact thought too that it feels like I just don't have the tears to cry anymore. It feels very strange.

I've also been on (a very low dose, but still) of benzos for about 6 years, maybe that's part of it? I have never felt like the benzos help me too much though so I don't know...

Oh one other weird thing though: I *DO* cry in my sleep still. Not like I used to but more often than I cry when I'm awake. So I guess the ability TO cry is still there, just getting buried deeper and deeper by apathy and the buildup of years and years of emotional calluses.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, at one point I used to cry every day, and was always upset, but now I just feel empty, like I have already died in a way, Maybe because I cried so much in the past, I cannot do it anymore. Life is just so depressing. I cannot wait to be free from this miserable existence.