Dropping bombs on my life

[wasteandvoid]

Im dropping bombs on my life in the form of the truth brutal honesty everywhere I will not hold back whats the point anymore. I dont care what anyones reaction is ive been dishonest my entire life since a point when I was a kid when I realized if you lie and make other people hear what wont get you into trouble, I never spoke my mind, the truth, or how I felt, or reacted in any way that would give away my real thoughts. Now I no longer care im trying to break out of that. ive never done what i want. every single action is calculated in the fear of other people. the only way to really live is to be brutally honest and feel how i do and let it go. I dont care how much I get hurt I am no longer letting the dead weight stay on me that has long since needed to pass eat away at me. I hate not expressing myself fully as a being i want to i want to live in no fear never considering what other people will think ill do how i want to. THE ONLY WAY TO GO FORWARD IN LIFE IS NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL EMBRACE IT AND MOVE ON, dont be like me and gather a life that is built on a person that everyone else knows as you on the outside, only to change and grow secretly and then have such a drastically different inner life that you are imprisoned to be secretive of to not blow up and offend people in your life. thats the position i am in im about to destroy my entire life because the people in my life no longer know me and theyre about to meet the real me, unfiltered. i dont care how they react this is my genuine response and emotion. hurt me please im asking for pain ive had such an aversion to it that I ruined my own life, everything will fall into place once this is over and those who naturally gravitate twoards me and like me will be my friends and those who disagree and hate me and are like dead skin like a snake will shed.

 

[LastFlowers]

Good for you, I relate to your post more than I could say. I wish I could manage the same.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

I've tried this. It usually doesn't end well. Best wishes to you, anyway.

 

[LastFlowers]

I've tried this. It usually doesn't end well. Best wishes to you, anyway.

People hate when someone they perceived one way…suddenly disrupts that perception.
Especially if the prior perception resulted in the perceived being seen as vulnerable, "less than", not intimidating..or easy to take advantage of.

It's like if you're an actual asshole your whole life you're not even necessarily seen as an "asshole" yet if you suddenly do something semi-decent..you're praised for pleasantly surprising those around you.
But if you're a decent person your whole life..to the point of putting others before yourself always, the moment you merely stop to save yourself..you are seen as a raging asshole.

It's ass backwards.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

I fully support your choice!!! Bravery is such an important quality, and I'm happy you are going for it! The world needs people not afraid to speak their mind.

 

[wasteandvoid]

People hate when someone they perceived one way…suddenly disrupts that perception.
Especially if the prior perception resulted in the perceived being seen as vulnerable, "less than", not intimidating..or easy to take advantage of.

It's like if you're an actual asshole your whole life you're not even necessarily seen as an "asshole" yet if you suddenly do something semi-decent..you're praised for pleasantly surprising those around you.
But if you're a decent person your whole life..to the point of putting others before yourself always, the moment you merely stop to save yourself..you are seen as a raging asshole.

It's ass backwards.

Yes its exactly like this, to solve this problem I detached from my need for them to like me and not abandon me. I make enemies before I make friends, the bad people not worth my time naturally filter themselves out this way. If they dont like me then whatever. Being true to myself is more valueable and healthy than anyone approval of my own natural expression.