Driven to suicide by health condition - distraught

[Rae82]

I don't really know why I'm posting but I have to just get this off my chest.
I don't want to die. I have a good life, lovely little girl, decent job etc, but I have an awful condition that has made me feel that I can't breathe, can't get air up my nose and am suffocating 24/7. My nose doesn't sense the air or temperature changes anymore. It's completely numb and dry. There's no cure and it's unlikely to get any better.
I can't get a moments rest from horrible, strained breathing. I can't sleep without medication and then it's only a couple of hours a night. I can't enjoy anything anymore because all I can do is focus on trying to get oxygen into my body. Every second of every day is living hell.
I'm devastated. My only way out is suicide but I don't know how I'm going to actually overcome SI because I don't want to die. I just can't live like this.
I have SN on the way as well as domperidone. The newest PPH says Nexium can be used, which I have. I also have some diazepam and propranolol.
I can't believe I won't get to see my little girl grow up but I can't live disabled like this, fighting for every breath. I hope it doesn't mess my little girl up for life but I'm useless as a mother like this.
If my SN gets confiscated at customs then I'm even more stuck as I just know it's the only method I'll even be able to think about carrying out.

 

[Drimacus]

Maybe you should postpone your plans if you don't want to die yet and rethink again?

 

[Rae82]

Maybe you should postpone your plans if you don't want to die yet and rethink again?

I can't go on. I'm in hell every minute of every day. I don't want to live like this. I want to live how I used to but that can't happen now.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this - chronic health problems can ruin our lives and turn the body into a prison. This life can be very unfair, and it does get to a point where we cannot cope anymore. I wish you the best.

 

[Rae82]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this - chronic health problems can ruin our lives and turn the body into a prison. This life can be very unfair, and it does get to a point where we cannot cope anymore. I wish you the best.

Thank you FuneralCry. Yes I'm nearing the point where I no longer have any fight left. I'm exhausted.
I wish you the best too.

 

[Goodbye710]

I'm sorry about your health problem!

I don't mean to talk you out of anything but just in case you aren't aware...

I have a heart condition. A lot of last year was a nightmare because I couldn't breath. Like having a sock in your mouth feeling I describe it. Opioids are used to eliminate air hunger. Removes that horrible distressed feeling of not being able to breath. A miracle. Where you can relax and sleep again. Your doctor should have you on them.

Just a thought in case you haven't heard.

I use a specific brand of kratom now which is like low dose opioids. Eliminates enough air hunger for me at the moment without having to go to the darknet for opioids.

Again, I'm sorry about your health problem.

 

[Rae82]

Thank you so much for the response and I'm so sorry that you have a heart condition. Glad to hear you are doing better.
Unfortunately my problem is something called Empty Nose Syndrome and it's not a problem with my chest or anything like that. My nose is basically not functioning as it should and won't ever again so I can't get air up it properly, nor feel the air in my nose.

 

[Goodbye710]

I'm so sorry Rae82. I don't mean to be a bother just wanted to let you know Because of this whole war on opioids doctors aren't telling people or prescribing them to people who need them. Where opioids are used not just for extreme pain but also that air hunger that some conditions have. It eliminates it 100%.

Opioids for breathlessness: a narrative review | BMJ Supportive & Palliative Care

It sounds like your doctor is reluctant to tell you let alone prescribe as most are these days. I personally use this everyday. https://kratomspot.com/sumatra-red-vein-capsules/

And while I don't know anything about empty nose syndrome, this doctor seems to think it's due to the vertebrae in the neck. https://www.caringmedical.com/prolotherapy-news/empty-nose-syndrome/ I'm sure you've looked into that before though but I just wanted to make sure you're aware of breathlessness can be eliminated with opioids or even with enough kratom.

Again, I'm sorry about what you're going through and wish you the best.

 

[Rae82]

I really wish I'd just die in my sleep. I'm in actual hell trapped in a body where one of the most important functions isn't working properly.

 

[Sisyphus]

I really wish I'd just die in my sleep. I'm in actual hell trapped in a body where one of the most important functions isn't working properly.

I have had ENS now for 12 years. While I can say it has ruined my life, I will also say that over time it has gotten better. Maybe the turbinates healed or the nerves recovered or something but the dryness is definitely better and it can be managed with sailine, humidifiers, oils, nasal washes etc. There's also the surgery. I just recently found out more about treating this problem, so if you want I can try to help. I know first hand that having this is a kind of hell.

 

[Drimacus]

I have had ENS now for 12 years. While I can say it has ruined my life, I will also say that over time it has gotten better. Maybe the turbinates healed or the nerves recovered or something but the dryness is definitely better and it can be managed with sailine, humidifiers, oils, nasal washes etc. There's also the surgery. I just recently found out more about treating this problem, so if you want I can try to help. I know first hand that having this is a kind of hell.

OP supposedly already CTBd with SN a few weeks ago.