Don’t think I can CTB

[chrisbate7]

I might be coming to the realization that I can't bring myself to CTB. I have all the supplies for a successful SN poisoning but every time I take the slightest step to put the plan into action I freak out. The panic attacks that come from trying to think about CTB are unreal.
I guess I'm still not suffering enough day to day to force me to take the action. That might change, who knows.
Maybe I could only CTB if I ABSOLUTELY HAD to take action to end the agony.
Who else is in the same place?

 

[SweetTangerine]

i am. i always hype myself up and get ready to ctb but then it ends up with me having a breakdown on the floor with all the materials around me. one time i even tried to drown myself and i ended up just sitting on the edge of my bathtub with myself just coughing super hard and feeling stupid for even thinking i could even kill myself correctly.

 

[SmellyRat]

I'm in the same predicament too.

I've got no will to live, and no will to die either i'm stuck in purgatory

 

[summers]

I'm in the same predicament too.

I've got no will to live, and no will to die either i'm stuck in purgatory

There's a lyric to a song "I don't know what hurts the most, holding on or letting go."

It's one of the truest lyrics ever. Can apply to suicide, relationships, addiction.

To the OP, when it's your time, you'll know.

 

[Meditation guide]

Maybe I could only CTB if I ABSOLUTELY HAD to take action to end the agony.

You just aren't in enough agony because if you were the thought of facing another day would be the agony. I've been there and I know what I'm talking about.

I know from past experience there will come a day when I absolutely will do it and I will be calm cool and collected without hesitation. Overwhelming fear and pain is a strong motivator.

 

[puppy9]

Yeah, I get that feeling, and it gets worst when held the cup. It's unbearable, I feel like a failure. I'm afraid of the idea of living a long life. I don't wanna that. How I wish someone would shoot me; that person would be my hero. *sigh