Does this happen with anyone else too

[markimobzzdeasui]

Like when you know you want to Ctb and it is a very strong possibility and you are fearful of it, maybe because of SI or just yourself. But when you see around yourself people dying everyday, you feel so relaxed and even happy thinking that Death is actually quite natural thing. I don't know but sometimes it feels humans are inherently narcissistic beings.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I was in a Benedictine school and we had to be familiar with the teachings of Saint Benedict. He said to "keep death daily before your eyes." I've always viewed death as natural, and I don't really get sad. I will miss people, but I rejoice that they are at peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not see death as being something sad, in fact it comforts me a lot. When you are dead you can no longer suffer and you are free of all pain. Death is natural, as we will all die eventually, all humans are doing is waiting around to die. Life is completely meaningless and nothing matters at all. Ctb is very difficult after all and the survival instinct can certainly mean it is hard to leave this world. All humans are programmed to survive. More than anything I wish ctb was easier, I am held back by the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure.

 

[inanimate]

I don't see that as narcissism, j get comfort from the thoughts of or reading about things I can't or won't do, like ctb'ing. Even living it through someone else's story feels good

 

[Gsvko]

I feel relief when I hear sirens, knowing it will be me one day. Music to my ears. When it's quiet enough, I can sometimes hear the bells ringing too.

 

[Crazy4u]

honestly no because I am unlucky person and I hate it when good people die! unfortunately, bad people live much longer than good people and I don't like it.

I also have a strange gut feeling about my ctb. I have a solid plan that I have been working on for months. I KNOW that noone irl knows about my plan. However, I feel like there are some people who know and who would stop me on my ctb date. It is so irrational because I am a loner and I live alone.