Discussion Does anyone get upset after they see a photo or video of themselves as a child?

[Die.A.Ria]

My dad just sent me a video of myself when i was about like 4 years old and it just made me cry so bad because in the video i was so happy and it was genuine and it made me feel so upset that her life has to end this way and what she had to go through

And it made me feel even more bad for my dad because i love him so much he truly cared about me and seeing him in the video too being so happy made me cry even more because of how bad i feel that his first child has to kill herself. i feel so guilty

 

[meowpuppy]

it makes me worse, but for a different reason. i was happier then, obviously, but my parents loved me more back then too..

 

[hdead]

Yeah. My mom showed me a pic at 2 years old in the lap of my grandpa and it caused me to weep. Such an innocent happy kid turned into... This? Yeah it was rough to see that.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

At least my parents have already passed, but yes.

 

[Tomorrow Is Today]

It sucks seeing that blissfully ignorant child with grand dreams. I think at every stage of my life I before mental illness struck, I had something to work towards and make life seem fulfilling. I'd give anything to go back.

So much potential and so much possibilities that isn't this current pathetic mess…

 

[lilb0wpeep]

It makes me sad and angry. Sad and angry because nobody helped that little girl, they hurt her and thought only to use her for their gain and power play. I wish someone had killed her, I wish that her suffering never led to what I've become. It makes me sad and angry I was never able to escape the feelings and pain I felt back then. That I'm still stuck hurting and just as if not more helpless then ever. That even I went on to ignore, demonize, and hurt that poor child just as everyone else did.
I'm sorry that I was never able to run away, escape into the corn field and fade away into death like 4 year old me would dream of at night.

 

[iguazo falls]

tbh i get upset but more bitter. i grew up with a lot of negative feelings, and i was often posted online without my permission or while i was upset. most pictures taken of me feel like they were to prove something rather than to capture what already was a nice moment. recently when i have had pictures sent to me it feels more like my parents are already grieving me, and i feel like they would rather look at the facade of someone not able to choose for themselves instead of truly seeing and understanding the person who i actually am. i will say there are specific ones from 3-5 that are innocent but the majority of photos i know i did not want them taken or was feeling like shit cause my parents were putting me down or something.

 

[interna]

I don't know.

Sometimes, I get sad and frustrated that little me had to go through the things he went through. Most of the time, however, I get happy about seeing myself end up this way. I hate myself so much I'm glad he's suffering and that this is all he's ever gonna be. I relish the knowledge that I have the power to kill myself, that I'm able to end this worthless, useless self, and that the kid I was is going to die alongside me. It's deserved. I don't think I feel much pity for little me. I'm glad he's dying too.