Venting Does anyone else want to ctb, but is staying alive for friends and family?

[Squiddy]

Uggghhh it's so hard! I want to ctb so bad, but can't because it would hurt my friends and family so I'm left on this Earth to suffer everyday. I wanna scream so bad :( I wish I could erase their memories of me and leave.

 

[Ghost2211]

Yeah, it's hard. I suppose that is my own fault for making myself essential to others. Thank goodness for weed and gaming.

 

[melancholy_lily]

Yes, I feel a lot of guilt leaving my parents. It's not their fault and they've already been through other family traumas, so I find it hard to make a serious plan when thinking about them. Sucks cause I really want to go.

 

[theguineapigking]

Yeah. My family is my main reason I haven't already ctb. I admit that I'm scared AF to die. But the thought of my family is what hasn't 'let' me go to the hotel and sn my ass. Sigh...

I'm sorry @Squiddy. At least you have loved ones and friends though, right? It's kind of 'good and bad'. It's hard to explain, but having family fulfills a part of you, all the while you also feel trapped, and that makes it way harder to ctb. It sucks man. F dis shit

 

[nitroautnz]

Uggghhh it's so hard! I want to ctb so bad, but can't because it would hurt my friends and family so I'm left on this Earth to suffer everyday. I wanna scream so bad :( I wish I could erase their memories of me and leave.

Yep, im still getting everything ready but im afraid i will not do it for this reason... I need to find a way to make peace with that.

 

[deleted]

No lol, my only two friends also want to kill themselves and support my decision, my family .. the worst thing that can happen is they are happy to have one less mouth to feed, so no I have nothing to hold on to this world, this is really good

 

[Cherrypea]

Yeah, it's hard. I suppose that is my own fault for making myself essential to others. Thank goodness for weed and gaming.

This is me but without the gaming. Although I'm beginning to believe my family will be OK and actually more relaxed without me though.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

No lol, my only two friends also want to kill themselves and support my decision, my family .. the worst thing that can happen is they are happy to have one less mouth to feed, so no I have nothing to hold on to this world, this is really good

Wow, perfect circumstances. You are to be envied

I won't do without ctb, but I've waited several months to be able to help a friend. That will be in a few days, then I am finally free and can go without a guilty conscience

 

[Misfit72]

The only people I feel like staying alive for are my nieces, who are only eight and five, so very young and vulnerable, and my half-sister, who's twenty years my junior and more like a niece than a sister, who is schizophrenic, and it could have a disproportionately adverse effect on them

 

[Mr2005]

Girlfriend doesn't know if she can live without me and that's a problem

 

[LonelyNick]

I have to stay alive until my friend comes over to visit me in October. As soon as he's gone, I will CBT

 

[lobster salad]

This is the epitome of my ctb problem. The guilt I'll be getting from ditching my family and friends. They have barely got a clue, my family would be shocked... some of my friends too, but my closest friends wouldn't. Then and again, I'm unlikable to many so I guess, no biggie
Also right now I'm such a big pussy when it comes to ctbing, at least attempting it. Last times I tried I was just too afraid of failing it
I'm such a failure, oh god

 

[Addi_Madd]

I'm trying to hang on until after my mother gets remarried in November.

 

[MariV]

Uggghhh it's so hard! I want to ctb so bad, but can't because it would hurt my friends and family so I'm left on this Earth to suffer everyday. I wanna scream so bad :( I wish I could erase their memories of me and leave.

thats exactly my situation. ive seen my mother cry with so much pain as a told her i wanted to ctb...uhg no, i cant. on the other hand my illnesses make me suffer so much. what a bad situation indeed. its really terrible to say this but i hope she died

Yeah, it's hard. I suppose that is my own fault for making myself essential to others. Thank goodness for weed and gaming.

oh...didnt picture you as a gamer its definitely a saving grace. some are rly well designed to hook you

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i'm staying alive because 3 of my friends' birthdays, alongside mine, are coming up, and i want to celebrate with them/convince them i'm fine. i feel bad about leaving my little sister behind, but i don't care for the rest of my family.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yep that's the only reason I'm still alive today.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I try and stay alive for my mom, I know how much it would destroy her if something bad happened to me. But at some point I've gotta put myself first and prioritise how I feel.

 

[lonelyhouse]

The only, and I mean ONLY, reason I'm still here is because of my parents. They've been nothing but good to me and don't deserve the pain. I've already told my brother that after they die (they're in their mid-70s), I'm outta here. He understood.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I hate being alive, it's like a my mind is constantly in chaos and agony. But I love my girlfriend too much, I don't want to devastate her and be another bad memory. But I am approaching my limit and one day I'll be able to choose my own best interest over hers.

One day.

Please let it be soon.

 

[glitchgirl]

I'm trying to cut ties with this online friend but the issue is he's a young teenage boy and he talks to me every single day. When I try to ignore him it's just so difficult because I know he is also very lonely and has few friends.I hate that I have let my guard down around him to where I told him about my mental issues, and now it would be so obvious what would've happened to me if I stopped relying to him. The worst part is the age difference. I don't know if it is because that is what young teens are like but the way he talks about me so positively, like I am somehow an amazing and talented person, and that I am his inspiration hurts me emotionally, I feel like if I did CTB, it would be the biggest fuck you in the face if I am still friends with him.. Leaving my mother, sibling and everyone else behind. I don't care, but a teenage boy that lives in a completely different country whom I have never met is keeping me here. Shit's crazy.

 

[Sweet Release]

I can't bare to think what my suicide will do to my family.
But I also feel like a burden to them because I am so hopeless.

 

[esann7]

This is the epitome of my ctb problem. The guilt I'll be getting from ditching my family and friends. They have barely got a clue, my family would be shocked... some of my friends too, but my closest friends wouldn't. Then and again, I'm unlikable to many so I guess, no biggie
Also right now I'm such a big pussy when it comes to ctbing, at least attempting it. Last times I tried I was just too afraid of failing it
I'm such a failure, oh god

SAME

 

[TheGreatEscape]

I have children and just can't bring myself to do that to them.

Every anti-choice screed I've come across always repeats 1) you are not alone; many other people feel this way and 2) don't think people will be better off without you.

This drives me nuts because I know that others feel the same way and it brings me zero comfort and I've always known my kids would be worse off if I killed myself, even if just financially (though it's not only that).
So here I am.

 

[LastFlowers]

What friends and family?

Nope, not me. I live life like a ghost, I've been dead to these people for years.

 

[Zebedee]

I seem to be keeping myself alive for my parents sake... My dad keeps telling me life will get better eventually, but I can't shake the feeling that it won't and he's just telling me what he thinks I want to hear. I'm basically just a burden on family with zero prospects of a fruitful life, I'm of no use to anyone including myself.

 

[Trayus]

I feel you. There is no good way to cope with that, what helped me was writing a letter to leave behind after i am gone, in which i write how important all these people to me were. How much i love them and how much it isnt there fault. It gave me a sense of closure.

Part of me wishes that i reduced the contact over the years, so that they wouldnt be hurt over my passing. Would still suck though... i hope future societies are more accepting to our plight.

 

[Lupgevif]

Yeah, but not for long. It won't stop me on the long term, I'm just using them as an excuse not to rush and do anything reckless that might just leave me crippled.

 

[Masonfight]

Yes, it's the only reason I'm still here. However, soon I will override them.

 

[Ghost2211]

oh...didnt picture you as a gamer its definitely a saving grace. some are rly well designed to hook you

I love gaming it's a life saver!