Does anyone else want to ctb because they're lonely?

[Squiddy]

Not my main reason for wanting to ctb, but it's one reason. I know I have friends, but from time to time, I feel lonely as hell. I felt even more lonely when my mom talked to me about going to college in another state where a lot of my family is. She said that no one is gonna want to hang out with me because they'll be too busy with their own lives.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I know I have friends, but from time to time, I feel lonely as hell.

Ah, the "alone in a crowd" feeling. I know it too well, it's not nice.

I'm curious... Do see your friends regularly in real life - do you all keep in touch with each other?

 

[harkovv]

I understand you. It's my not main reason too but maybe i'd stay and try to do something about my life if I'll have friends or close family. Unfortunately I don't have any real friendship or people who worry about me. Also zero support from my family, they make everything just worse. Having someone you can talk to about anything and vent would be nice but I guess it's not something I'll experience in this life.

 

[ocd is bad]

Yes, I don't have any real life friends

 

[Squiddy]

Ah, the "alone in a crowd" feeling. I know it too well, it's not nice.

I'm curious... Do see your friends regularly in real life - do you all keep in touch with each other?

I don't see them regularly, but we sometimes talk on Facebook messenger

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Yes, I don't have any real life friends

Do you have friends online?

 

[AwokenToReality]

One of the main reasons for me. Have no IRL friends & rarely see family members.

 

[ocd is bad]

Do you have friends online?

I have a couple online friends, they're great but it's just not the same as in real life.

 

[the-eternal]

yes, it is one of the driving factors. i have nobody, neither in the flesh nor online.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Not the main reason, but I've tried to help several people when they were feeling lonely and never got the same back from them.

Over the years its become more clear to me how little anyone cares about me. I feel used.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I have a couple online friends, they're great but it's just not the same as in real life.

Yes, I know.
Do you mind me asking why you don't have friends in real life?
I'm not asking for specifics. Maybe you have social anxiety or depression?

 

[Emily_Numb]

I totally feel you. *hugs* I'm married and still feel incredibly alone. It's as though the world goes on around me and I'm not really a part of it. A dream state.

 

[ocd is bad]

Yes, I know.
Do you mind me asking why you don't have friends in real life?
I'm not asking for specifics. Maybe you have social anxiety or depression?

Idk man, I just have a hard time connecting with people. Depression probably plays a role too because I usually don't look happy.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I have several reasons for my decision to commit suicide.
But being alone is a very important thing. I'm 52 now and I've been alone all my life.
Really alone, no (real) friends or relationships. I've never been on vacation, almost never left the house. For the job only.

Complex PTSD, social phobia and depression are the reason.
Now that I have overcome these mental illnesses halfway, I can no longer stand loneliness.
Not only the loneliness now, I also can't bear the knowledge of loneliness in the past.

I know that nothing will change in the future, so I better end my senseless life now that I still can.

I will document the SN method here as well as possible so that at least my death makes sense.

Since I registered in the forum, I no longer feel lonely. It's a nice feeling to be here.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I have been surrounded by people for so much of the last thirteen years, and I have still managed to feel lonely everyday. Sadly, not even getting married changed that. Even now, I am in the basement guest room, typing this message on my phone, while my husband falls asleep watching TV in our bedroom.

SS is the most genuine company I've had in a while. I was feeling like absolutely shit earlier today (still am) and I felt like I just couldn't read through posts in the forum. That didn't last long. I'm back, because this is the only safe space.

 

[scorpiooo2]

I'm constantly surrounded by my mother, who continues to point out to me that I have no friends.

I have social anxiety, it makes it extremely hard to interact with others without feeling like I'm going to suffocate.

With that being said, being lonely is one of my many main reasons.

 

[Marktheghost]

I have no friends. Nobody seems interested in getting to know me. I don't know why. If they actually bothered to get to know me, they'd find I'm a wonderful person!

 

[wonderworld]

it's defo one of my reasons why. I find it hard to trust people thus finding it hard to call people friends.

 

[mathieu]

Loneliness is a big reason for me. I don't really have friends and don't see my family that often. I live alone too which I hate. I don't know why I'm so unpopular. Shit personality, ugly I guess.

 

[WinterFaust]

It's a significant reason for me. I have a couple of online friends somehow but no one irl. A little over a year ago, things were very different. Having people around and being able to give them love and support is a core need for me. But there's no one around these days and sadly, I no longer have anything worthwhile to offer.

Wish I had at least been more stable and not so deeply depressed so I could enjoy what I did have a bit more. That's life, I guess.

 

[FireFox]

@Squiddy
How are you currently and is the treatment going?

Yes It is possible to be lonely even if you have friends and family.

Loneliness is so aslo defined as lack of connection or lack of intimacy.

I have a small circle of friends and family i am lonely as hell. I am lonely because i dont fit in anywhere .

More and more i realise i dont belong anywhere and feel like an outsider in this world. People around me dont understand hence why i am lonely

 

[draw a circle]

Not my main reason either, but I kinda get the feeling. Every friends I have in college already graduated and I haven't, and one of the most important people to me aside from my parents is having a new life and maybe unconsciously leaving me behind to have fun, so I'm being left alone to stew in my suicidal thoughts. My family is there for me, thankfully, but I can't disclose my feelings to them.

I like to talk but nobody would listen. Even though I have listened to my friends when they were depressed/suicidal, I can't tell them the same because they either can't relate or it's a trigger for them. I'm only a good friend when I'm happy.

 

[Squiddy]

@Squiddy
How are you currently and is the treatment going?

Yes It is possible to be lonely even if you have friends and family.

Loneliness is so aslo defined as lack of connection or lack of intimacy.

I have a small circle of friends and family i am lonely as hell. I am lonely because i dont fit in anywhere .

More and more i realise i dont belong anywhere and feel like an outsider in this world. People around me dont understand hence why i am lonely

I just started my new PHP program treatment today (technically I've been in it before ). It's going ok, but occasionally, I'll get these waves of hopelessness and how everything is for nothing and I'm currently feeling that way right now. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's so damn hard. I really feel like going into a coma right now and taking a break from life for the meantime. Also my psychiatrist forgot about my Ativan today when I went to the pharmacy to pick it up so I'm upset about that too. Maybe he thinks I'm addicted to it when I'm not because I've only taken it 4-5 times. I'm just feeling defeated right now and wish for a coma.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Squiddy

Do you regard yourself as an extrovert or an introvert?
How easy might it be for you to make new friends at college?

I've been thinking about this recently. I'm a very lonely person by nature despite being pretty gregarious.
I'm an introvert who likes the company of others. Whilst it seems like that doesn't make sense, I promise I'm not trying to be awkward!
I see it like this: being an introvert for me means that I need to be alone to recharge my emotional batteries. The company of others challenges me. That's a good thing, I need it and seek it out, but it also drains me and I quickly need to be alone again to recharge.
That means I have to spend most of my time alone to achieve any emotional stability. I've only ever met one other person in my entire life who doesn't drain me emotionally. She is so like me it's uncanny and I can be in her company and its as if I'm just with myself. Unfortunately, I haven't seen her in over twenty years, she is so far away.

So yes, sometimes the loneliness of being unable to connect to anyone else crushes me. I've been feeling a lot like that recently.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Definitely. My lack of ability to connect to people is crippling. I am so sad a lot of the time and feel so isolated.

 

[MrBlue]

Loneliness is the main reason I need to ctb. Nobody outside my family has ever wanted to connect to me beyond a casual aquantaince, or someone to use in small bursts. I'm tolerated, never liked. I don't blame anyone for it obviously, but it still hurts knowing I won't ever have a someone that actively wants to interact with me.

When everyone you meet, in every direction you take puts up a wall between you and them, you don't just feel left out, but increasingly trapped. Killing myself is the only way I'm going to escape this crushing and empty existence I am locked in.

 

[Unlucked]

Yes, I am so terribly lonely.

 

[Final Escape]

I feel weirdly content being alone lately. Like I got used to it. I got broke into old personhood. I've accepted I'll be loner forever.

 

[AprilsBlessings]

Same as you, not my main reason but definitely one of the reasons.

 

[FireFox]

I just started my new PHP program treatment today (technically I've been in it before ). It's going ok, but occasionally, I'll get these waves of hopelessness and how everything is for nothing and I'm currently feeling that way right now. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's so damn hard. I really feel like going into a coma right now and taking a break from life for the meantime. Also my psychiatrist forgot about my Ativan today when I went to the pharmacy to pick it up so I'm upset about that too. Maybe he thinks I'm addicted to it when I'm not because I've only taken it 4-5 times. I'm just feeling defeated right now and wish for a coma.

@Squiddy
What is a PHP program treatment. Are you still in the hospital?

Good luck with your treatment and the program. You can do it i believe in you squiddy

We all have good days and bad days. I have days in which i have an extreme desire to catch the bus and i have days in which i am happy .
Remember good days do come even when we least expect it :)

What do you enjoy doing ?